Pope Francis gave a Valentine’s Day sermon at St. Peter’s Basilica today in which he asked couples to welcome single people – especially strangers – into their bedroom. The surprising suggestion has many asking if the religious leader is doing … Continue reading Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Ménage à Trois on Valentine’s Day
President Joe Biden has declared ‘Super Bowl Monday’ – the day after the big football game – a new national holiday. The decision was made when Biden read an article about the huge losses that companies already incur on that … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday
Pope Francis gave a short speech today in which he expressed a deep concern over the fact that the image of Jesus has not appeared on any snacks or breakfast foods for a very, very long time. The Pope says … Continue reading Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time
(Knoxville, TN) Local man Brian McMillan, who is an anti-science, anti-mask, anti-pope, anti-vaxxer has found himself so against everything that he’s now stuck saying no to everyone no matter what. McMillan says the new affliction has caused him to regret … Continue reading Anti-Science Anti-Mask Anti-Pope Anti-Vaxxer Just Saying ‘No’ To Everything At This Point
A change of plans for Qanon believers took place today after the group claimed that black smoke rose from the Capitol building’s chimney, indicating that a new president wouldn’t be inaugurated on this day. The group’s anonymous leader – ‘Q’ … Continue reading ‘Q’ Says Black Smoke Rising From Capitol Chimney Means Trump Won’t Be Inaugurated Until April 1st
During an evening address at the Vatican, Pope Francis made remarks on the coronavirus and the state of the world that included harsh words for US president Donald Trump and his supporters. “Truly I tell you, there is a reason … Continue reading Pope Francis Calls Trump Supporters ‘Evil at Worst, Stupid at Best’
Pope Francis took time out of his weekly address today to tell priests and followers across the globe to “cancel mass, stay home, and read a goddamned Bible already!” “I’m most deeply saddened and ashamed for the priests who have … Continue reading Angry Pope Francis Says ‘Cancel Mass, Read a Goddamned Bible Already!’
Former Pope Benedict released his new book today entitled From the Depths of Our Loins: Silk Boxers & Swollen Balls. The book aims to educate the public on the sexual struggles that come with being a clergyman. What do you … Continue reading Retired Pope Benedict breaks silence on blue balls, wet dreams in Church life, and nobody wants to hear it
The Salvation Army announced today that they’ll be using $1.58 million in donations to purchase 100,000 pocket anuses for clergymen in the Catholic Church this Christmas. The charity says their goal is to curb pedophilia. “As far as we can … Continue reading The Salvation Army says it’s donating pocket anuses to the Catholic Church to curb pedophilia
Pope Francis announced today that the Vatican has created a completely new Bible that aligns with scientists’ current understanding of the modern world. The new holy book will be called the Jorge Mario Betgoglio Bible after the Pope’s birth name. … Continue reading The Vatican will release a new version of the Bible that aligns with modern science
“Once I hit the 20-minute mark there was a turtle head poking out. Just in and out, in and out it went,” Francis gestured with his fingertip through an O-shape on his other hand. Continue reading Pope Francis pooped in an elevator today after being stuck in it for just 25 minutes
“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows. Continue reading Inverted Cross on Trump’s Head a Sign of The Antichrist?
Pope Francis’ adult book is entitled ‘The Divinci Load.’ Continue reading Pope Francis Demands Every Dirty Detail on Sexual Abuse for His Adult Fantasy Novel
“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated. Continue reading Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine
“Americans can expect to see Christmas decorations in stores for around 5 to 6 months out of the year.” Continue reading Pope Francis Officially Moves Christmas 2019 to March
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani Continue reading Kavanaugh Avoids Sex Scandal by Becoming Ordained Priest Overnight
“We should always be looking up to God before going down to worship,” said Francis. Continue reading Pope Asks all Catholics to Pray Before Oral Intercourse
“Look people, this is ludicrous, Jesus was a white man,” said Kelly. Continue reading Pope Orders All ‘White Jesus’ Figures Removed from Churches
