Pope Francis gave a Valentine’s Day sermon at St. Peter’s Basilica today in which he asked couples to welcome single people – especially strangers – into their bedroom. The surprising suggestion has many asking if the religious leader is doing … Continue reading Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Ménage à Trois on Valentine’s Day
President Joe Biden has declared ‘Super Bowl Monday’ – the day after the big football game – a new national holiday. The decision was made when Biden read an article about the huge losses that companies already incur on that … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday
Pope Francis gave a short speech today in which he expressed a deep concern over the fact that the image of Jesus has not appeared on any snacks or breakfast foods for a very, very long time. The Pope says … Continue reading Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time
The Catholic church announced this week that they will not be blessing same-sex marriages until the age of consent is lowered to allow bishops, cardinals and priests to marry the young boys that they’ve been grooming for years. “This is … Continue reading Citing Discrimination, Catholic Church Refuses To Bless Same-Sex Marriages Until Age Of Consent Is Lowered
During an evening address at the Vatican, Pope Francis made remarks on the coronavirus and the state of the world that included harsh words for US president Donald Trump and his supporters. “Truly I tell you, there is a reason … Continue reading Pope Francis Calls Trump Supporters ‘Evil at Worst, Stupid at Best’
A Politico-Morning Consult poll released today found that 27% of Americans somewhat or strongly believe that president Trump is a man of faith. Meanwhile 55% of respondents say they somewhat or strongly believe that Trump is not a religious man. … Continue reading Poll: Only 27% of Americans Believe Trump is a Man of Faith
Pope Francis took time out of his weekly address today to tell priests and followers across the globe to “cancel mass, stay home, and read a goddamned Bible already!” “I’m most deeply saddened and ashamed for the priests who have … Continue reading Angry Pope Francis Says ‘Cancel Mass, Read a Goddamned Bible Already!’
Hoping to set a good example for people across the planet, Jesus Christ announced today that He would not be leaving His cavernous tomb this year in order to celebrate Easter; citing the coronavirus as His main cause for concern. … Continue reading Jesus Refuses to Leave His Tomb For First Easter in 2,000 Years
A visibly shocked and annoyed Pope Francis had to slap a woman in a crowd at St Peter’s Square during a New Year’s Eve party after she aggressively and repeatedly grabbed his ass. Francis, who had been twerking through the square, had just … Continue reading Holy Hell: Pope Francis slapped a woman who grabbed his ass while he was dancing on NYE
“Once I hit the 20-minute mark there was a turtle head poking out. Just in and out, in and out it went,” Francis gestured with his fingertip through an O-shape on his other hand. Continue reading Pope Francis pooped in an elevator today after being stuck in it for just 25 minutes
“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows. Continue reading Inverted Cross on Trump’s Head a Sign of The Antichrist?
“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated. Continue reading Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine
“Americans can expect to see Christmas decorations in stores for around 5 to 6 months out of the year.” Continue reading Pope Francis Officially Moves Christmas 2019 to March
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani Continue reading Kavanaugh Avoids Sex Scandal by Becoming Ordained Priest Overnight
“We should always be looking up to God before going down to worship,” said Francis. Continue reading Pope Asks all Catholics to Pray Before Oral Intercourse
“Look people, this is ludicrous, Jesus was a white man,” said Kelly. Continue reading Pope Orders All ‘White Jesus’ Figures Removed from Churches
“Let’s fix this now and add some pizzazz and sparkle to the church.”- Pope Francis Continue reading Pope Francis Will Allow Gay Priests to Marry
Many are distraught and and deeply concerned after Pope Francis announced late Monday that he would be the very last Pope. The message, which has left many people feeling Continue reading Pope Francis Announces That He Will be The Last Pope
