The long-running, popular American TV game show Wheel of Fortune has updated its iconic wheel by replacing the ‘Bankruptcy’ slot with ‘DEATH.’ Due to the changes, players will now have a 1 in 24 chance […]
In perhaps his boldest move in years, Russian president Vladimir Putin admitted today that he had placed a bounty on the heads of American troops in Afghanistan. The cavalier admission comes less than a day […]
Confident that he’d like to murder at least one person, 17-year-old Thomas Wilkins of Genesee, Wisconsin says he’s torn between becoming a serial killer or a police officer. “Next year I’ll be 18, which means […]
Japan will resume the commercial killing of overweight citizens in an effort to curb the population of the island and supplement dwindling soybean supplies.
“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”