Japan will resume the commercial killing of overweight citizens in an effort to curb the population of the island and supplement dwindling soybean supplies.
“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”
“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.”
Mass graves are filling up outside of the Ford Truck Plant in Dearborn, MI.
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would…
Obama suggests Trump could have avoided many scandals with one trick.
The movie reaches its tipping point when Damon’s children begin to ask why their favorite pig ‘Oinkers’ has gone missing.
Obama backtracks on promise to spare the lives of innocent turkeys named Tater and Tot – ruining a longstanding American tradition.