Japan Resumes Hunting of Overweight Citizens After 30-Year Ban


Japan will resume the commercial killing of overweight citizens in an effort to curb the population of the island and supplement dwindling soybean supplies.


Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally


“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration


“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”

US Announces ‘Whale Force’ Military Division


“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.”

Heartbroken Ford Owners Euthanize 874,000 Shitty Pickup Trucks


Mass graves are filling up outside of the Ford Truck Plant in Dearborn, MI.

President Trump Has Strangled a Bear Cub to Death on the North Lawn

This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would…

Obama: “I Don’t Know Why Donald Paid All of These Women – I Had Mine Killed.”

Obama suggests Trump could have avoided many scandals with one trick.