Congress Passes Unprecidented Gun Control Law

Congress Passes Strict Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year

The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year. Continue reading Congress Passes Strict Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year

'Saying No To The Commission Doesn't Mean You're Guilty' McConnell Chants At Hypnotized Republicans

‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was seen hypnotizing fellow Republicans on the Senate floor today with the clear goal of making them feel okay with voting ‘no’ on the January 6th commission. “Voting against the Capitol insurrection investigation in no way implies … Continue reading ‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans

Marjorie Taylor Greene - Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails

Congress Was Given A ‘List Of Warning Signs’ For Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Tantrums, Here’s What It Says

Members of Congress (except for Marjorie Taylor Greene) were given a ‘Marjorie Taylor Greene Tantrum Warning Signs & Prevention List’ today informing them of the indications that Greene is about to throw a tantrum and what they can to do … Continue reading Congress Was Given A ‘List Of Warning Signs’ For Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Tantrums, Here’s What It Says

Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

$1,400 Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

An obscure rule in Congress will block Republican voters from receiving the next $1,400 stimulus check because none of their representatives voted in favor of the latest bill which passed 50-49 along party lines. The relevant regulation is referred to … Continue reading $1,400 Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

Marjorie Taylor Greene - Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails

Missing Psych Ward Patient Found After Spending Month As Congresswoman

Authorities confirmed today that Marjorie Taylor Greene – an armed, hostile and mentally unstable woman that has been terrorizing congressional colleagues – is actually an escaped psych ward patient named Karen Lynn McConnell. Reportedly the estranged sister of Senator Mitch … Continue reading Missing Psych Ward Patient Found After Spending Month As Congresswoman

Congress Revisits Stimulus Bill after forgetting to include sincere fuck you to citizens

Congress Revisits Stimulus Bill After Forgetting to Sign it With a Sincere ‘Fuck You’ To American Citizens

Members of Congress revealed today that they had forgotten to sign their insufficient joke of a stimulus bill with a sincere ‘Fuck You’ in order to make the document as transparent as possible. “With a few simple votes we will … Continue reading Congress Revisits Stimulus Bill After Forgetting to Sign it With a Sincere ‘Fuck You’ To American Citizens

Trump Says It’s ‘Unfair’ That Men Are Losing $1 for Every 79¢ a Woman Loses as Joblessness Spreads

With countless stay-at-home orders and company shutdowns across the country, many people are being hit hard in the wallet, but president Trump says it’s especially hard for men. “Men are losing the most,” president Trump told journalists in an address … Continue reading Trump Says It’s ‘Unfair’ That Men Are Losing $1 for Every 79¢ a Woman Loses as Joblessness Spreads

Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East

“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.” Continue reading Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East

Republicans kneel in protest during National Anthem at impeachment hearings

In a show of solidarity with president Trump, prominent Republican lawmakers made waves today when they took a knee during the national anthem. Republicans say they’re protesting the impeachment hearings in Washington DC because they are “un-American.” “When something so … Continue reading Republicans kneel in protest during National Anthem at impeachment hearings

Congress will ban flavored condom sales as blowjob epidemic grows

Sucking on flavored condoms has made Mike Pence ill and killed at least six people after they choked on the prophylactics. In response, Congress is readying a ban on the tasty dick wrappers amid an unparalleled outbreak of safe oral … Continue reading Congress will ban flavored condom sales as blowjob epidemic grows

Congress divided between total FEC shutdown or posting a job on Craigslist

With the Federal Election Commission vice chairman Matthew Petersen stepping down the FEC is effectively shutdown, leaving no one to enforce campaign finance law. Congress is now debating whether to approve $35 in funding to post a job on Craigslist … Continue reading Congress divided between total FEC shutdown or posting a job on Craigslist