In a groundbreaking moment for both politics and technology, President Donald Trump’s second inauguration — held indoors at the U.S. Capitol Rotunda due to precedented levels of January cold — allegedly broke attendance records with the help of Elon Musk’s … Continue reading Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration
In a stunning reversal, former President Donald Trump announced today that he was rescinding his appointment of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General, citing what he called a “small misreading of handwritten notes.” “I didn’t mean the Attorney General,” Trump clarified in … Continue reading Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’
In a bold counter to Elon Musk’s ‘Cash for Votes’ scheme, Kamala Harris has introduced an innovative idea: complete student loan forgiveness for anyone living in a swing state that she wins during the Presidential election. “Those in key swing … Continue reading Kamala Harris Announces Student Loan Forgiveness For All Residents In Swing States She Wins
Trump added that babies from Scandinavian countries would be automatically exempt from testing, claiming, “They have great genes—very clean, very hardworking. But we’ll be keeping a close eye on the others.” Continue reading Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’
Do you think you can you spot the differences between the official Oath of Office and what Donald Trump said during his inauguration? For some, it’s not as easy at it may seem. Here’s the Official Oath: “I do solemnly … Continue reading Wow! Can You Spot The Subtle Differences Between The Official Oath Of Office & What Trump Recited At His Inauguration?
A poll released today revealed that 53% of Republicans firmly believe that Donald Trump is currently the real president of the United States. What’s more, another 63% say he should still run again in 2024. But if Trump were truly … Continue reading 53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits
Hundreds of pigeons bearing handwritten messages from Donald Trump were released from the White House today after Trump was banned from Twitter and nearly every other social media site. The president – who was annoyed by the birds flying around … Continue reading Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons
President Trump told reporters today that he was open to the idea of becoming president of any states that want to secede from the union. The comment came after reporters asked the president what he thought about conservative radio host … Continue reading Trump: ‘I’d Love To Be President Of The New Confederate States Of America’
Having previously stated that he “might cry a lot” if he loses, the White House released a video today depicting Donald Trump gorging himself on KFC and McDonald’s while sobbing uncontrollably. The video, which was reportedly filmed in the past … Continue reading Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’
President Trump put out a statement today in which he said he would be banning all dating apps with an executive order in the coming week. The move comes after experts found that random sexual encounters were fueling the pandemic. … Continue reading Trump to Ban Dating Apps as Fauci Calls For ‘Slut Shaming’ to Curb Pandemic
A German Shepherd named Max who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan is refusing to accept the Medal of Honor until the United States elects a new president. “I would rather be shaved bald and forced to take a bath … Continue reading Heroic Dog Refuses to Accept Medal of Honor Until Country Elects a Real Leader
It was revealed today by Donald Trump’s niece Mary that the president cheated on his SATs by having someone else take the exam for him. The White House has admitted to the allegation and Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany provided an … Continue reading Trump Couldn’t Take SATs Due to ‘Bone Spurs in His Buttocks’
The National Football League announced today that it will be playing three distinct audio files before each football game throughout the 2020 season. First, the black national anthem, second the Billy Bush-Access Hollywood tape in which president Trump says ‘Grab … Continue reading NFL Says It’s Going to Play Trump’s ‘Grab Her By the Pussy’ Tape Before Every Game
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced today that they will be detaining and quarantining all Trump rally-goers in Tulsa, Oklahoma immediately after the president finishes his speech. People in the building will have no choice in the matter … Continue reading CDC to Quarantine Tulsa Rally-Goers Immediately After Trump Finishes His Speech
A 73-year-old former frozen steak salesman is having a surprisingly hard time running an entire country despite having been a reality TV host. What do you think? Continue reading Failed Frozen Steak Salesman Turned Reality TV Host Somehow Not Good at Leading a Nation
Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced this afternoon that president Donald Trump has been banned from her state. The announcement comes hours after Trump broke state law by not wearing a face mask during his visit to a Michigan Ford plant … Continue reading Michigan Bans Trump, Revokes ‘Man of The Year’ Award
Congressman Justin Amash, a Republican-turned-independent from Michigan, took heat upon announcing his presidential bid after it was revealed that he has yet to be accused of any form of sexual misconduct. The revelation that Amash may be an unquestionably innocent … Continue reading Laughable Third Party Candidate Hasn’t Even Been Accused of Sexual Assault
The blessing of the official Bible of the US Space Force took place today and religious groups are livid after learning the selected Bible was written in Galactic Basic; the common language found in Star Wars. The White House confirmed … Continue reading Space Force Bible written in Galactic Basic and blessed at National Cathedral sparks outrage
