election, Election 2020, Politics

Laughable Third Party Candidate Hasn’t Even Been Accused of Sexual Assault

Congressman Justin Amash, a Republican-turned-independent from Michigan, took heat upon announcing his presidential bid after it was revealed that he has yet to be accused of any form of sexual misconduct. The revelation that Amash may be an unquestionably innocent man has many wondering if he is even qualified to be president. What do you think?

“How is being accused of sexual assault not a requirement to run for high office these days?”

– Peter Ruiz, Volunteer Lifeguard
“If he has zero accusers, you kind of have to wonder what he does with all of his time. Is congressman Amash just lazy?”

– Julie Hutchins, Hotel Sleep Study Participant
“This man is untested. How do we know if he’s capable of talking his way out of potential future accusations? Is he even rich enough to pay out hush money? There are just too many questions.”

– Edward Shunts, Trump Supporter

Photo credit Gage Skidmore.

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