China Bans Heterosexual Sex Over Population Concerns

YouReadyGrandma

“The only sexual contact permitted in China for the foreseeable future will be homosexual in nature,” President Jinping stated while intertwining his fingers with NBA star Yao Ming.

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MLB Highlights “The Raw Sexual Tension of Baseball” on Opening Day

YouReadyGrandma

“Most of the leathery, ball-related action on the field actually takes place in the players’ jockstraps,” Commissioner Rob Manfred stated.

Oblivious Mike Pence Wears Furry Tail to CPAC

YouReadyGrandma

An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America.

Harvard Study Reveals that All Homophobic Men are Gay

“This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.”

Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”

YouReadyGrandma

Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character.

4 in 5 Men Think Masturbating With Another Man ‘Isn’t Gay’

YouReadyGrandma

A poll of 565 men has found that 82% did not believe mutual masturbation to be a homosexual act, with respondents expressing a sentiment that touching cock isn’t gay, but lips touching lips is gay – meaning that emotional intimacy is their real issue – not the dick. What do you think? Joshua O’brien: “If this is true, then not only was I snubbed on an invite to Tim’s bachelor party last week, but I probably missed an opportunity to bond with the bros over a sweet circle jerk. No..no homo.” Rosalie Pruitt: “So you’re saying the next time I see a group of hot guy friends at a bar, it’s not even remotely unrealistic later when I fantasize about them getting it on? There is a God.” Logan Allen: “I don’t know why other straight dudes want to complicate their close, disappointingly platonic relationships with their homeboys when there’s at least two perfectly good gay bathhouses in the Denver area.” Return Home Take me to the MEMES! Source

Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation

YouReadyGrandma

Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’

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