Donald Trump is in hot water today after asking why there isn’t a “White Friday” on Truth Social. Trump’s post read: “How come every year it’s Black Friday? Always with the Black. When are we going to have White Friday!? … Continue reading Donald Trump Just Asked: ‘Why Don’t We Have A White Friday!?’
Radio and TV personality Glenn Beck spent the better part of his radio show today reading the cover of Dr. Seuss’s One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish while sobbing uncontrollably. Beck’s emotional reading of the book cover lasted … Continue reading Glenn Beck Sobs Uncontrollably On Air While Reading One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt Continue reading Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe
Reports say McConnell injured himself while he was aggressively fucking the country. Continue reading Mitch McConnell put on shell-rest after government healthcare fixes his broken shoulder
“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.” Continue reading Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that,” Siri apologized as a wide-eyed Cook choked on a chunk of the XS Max. Continue reading Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly
“I have never been more turned on in my life.” – Juliet Moore, Bernie Sanders Supporter Continue reading Fired-Up Bernie Sanders Sprouts Huge Mustache During Campaign Rally
Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’ Continue reading Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons. Continue reading Gigantic Gold-Plated Package Left on White House Lawn
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing. Continue reading NRA Billboards Encourage Mass Shooters to Become Event Planners Instead
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell Continue reading Mitch McConnell Legally Changes Name to ‘Bitch McConnell’
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt Continue reading Kavanaugh to Be Moved to Top of Liver Transplant List if Confirmed
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.” Continue reading Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would… Continue reading President Trump Has Strangled a Bear Cub to Death on the North Lawn
