Category: Conservative
Missing Psych Ward Patient Found After Spending Month As Congresswoman
Authorities confirmed today that Marjorie Taylor Greene – an armed, hostile and mentally unstable woman that has been terrorizing congressional colleagues – is actually an escaped psych ward patient named Karen Lynn McConnell. Reportedly the estranged sister of Senator Mitch … Continue reading Missing Psych Ward Patient Found After Spending Month As Congresswoman
Marjorie Taylor Greene: ‘Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails’
Having already claimed that school shootings like Sandy Hook and Parkland we’re false flag operations and that 9/11 was an inside job, Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene stated in a press conference today that “not only is Bigfoot real, but … Continue reading Marjorie Taylor Greene: ‘Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails’
Opinion: I’m Not a Snowflake, I’m Just Fully-Clothed, Crying & Eating Goya Beans On The Shower Floor
Sorry libtards, but just because I’m fully-clothed, crying and eating Goya beans on the shower floor doesn’t mean that I’m a little, snowflake bitch like you. It means I’m a patriot who knows what’s really going on! Us Trump supporters … Continue reading Opinion: I’m Not a Snowflake, I’m Just Fully-Clothed, Crying & Eating Goya Beans On The Shower Floor
After Adding Biden Signs, Animal Crossing Now Offers White Hoods & Tiki Torches to Appease Far Right Players
Nintendo was taking heat this morning from the far right after it was revealed that the company’s wildly popular game Animal Crossing: New Horizons would now include yard signs showing support for presidential candidate Joe Biden. Many on the right … Continue reading After Adding Biden Signs, Animal Crossing Now Offers White Hoods & Tiki Torches to Appease Far Right Players
Trump Tells Supporters to Eat Deadly Rat Poison
Muttering to himself “it had better fucking work this time,” Donald Trump held up a box of rat poison today and told supporters that it was yet another cure for COVID-19. Privately, Trump admitted that the move was just another … Continue reading Trump Tells Supporters to Eat Deadly Rat Poison
The Devil & God Beg Conservatives to ‘Get Their Shit Together’ as Heaven & Hell Near Capacity
(The Astral Plane) After being essentially hands-off for millennia, the Devil and God stunned the world today when they publicly begged conservatives in America to stop screwing around and take the pandemic seriously. Both rulers reported that their individual dominions … Continue reading The Devil & God Beg Conservatives to ‘Get Their Shit Together’ as Heaven & Hell Near Capacity
Conservative Waiting Until Bad Thing Impacts Him Before Caring About Issue
Conservative Christian Michael Dobbins of San Diego, California says he made the conscious decision years ago not to care about any political issues that don’t impact him or his closest family members until he absolutely has to. Dobbins says that … Continue reading Conservative Waiting Until Bad Thing Impacts Him Before Caring About Issue
Goya Sued For Assaulting Conservatives With Flavor, Spices in Products
Thousands of Americans’ lives have flashed before their eyes in the past 24 hours after Goya CEO Robert Unanue announced that he was a huge Donald Trump supporter. Since the statement, conservatives everywhere began buying up Goya products, despite being … Continue reading Goya Sued For Assaulting Conservatives With Flavor, Spices in Products
Parler App Quickly Becomes #1 Racist Content Repository
Advertised as the answer to free speech suppression on social media, Parler has outpaced every other two-star rated app designed for people who want to share racist, sexist, and homophobic content without repercussions. Parler, which exists as a rejection of … Continue reading Parler App Quickly Becomes #1 Racist Content Repository
Conservatives Remember the Time When a Contagious Rosa Parks Boarded a Bus With an AR-15 and Confederate Flag and Coughed All Over Everything
Today, conservatives across the country gathered to remember the time in 1955 that civil rights hero Rosa Parks boarded an Alabama bus with an AR-15 and a confederate flag while visibly sick with the whooping cough. “Miss Parks was the … Continue reading Conservatives Remember the Time When a Contagious Rosa Parks Boarded a Bus With an AR-15 and Confederate Flag and Coughed All Over Everything
Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage
After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. … Continue reading Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage
Officials warn liberals that a 2nd active Koch Brother is still at large
Those on the left are being told to stay indoors after public officials warned of a second active Koch brother. “Although one threat has been neutralized, there’s still another bad man reeking havoc on the country,” Joe Biden stated. The … Continue reading Officials warn liberals that a 2nd active Koch Brother is still at large
Republicans Blame Parkinson’s For Racial Gerrymandering After Ban By Supreme Court
Deliberately drawing zigzagging lines around all the white people will no longer be an option. Continue reading Republicans Blame Parkinson’s For Racial Gerrymandering After Ban By Supreme Court
Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet
“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.” Continue reading Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet
Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day
“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.” Continue reading Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day
Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens
Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens. Continue reading Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens
Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report
The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear. Continue reading Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report