Target Adds BDSM Section Next to Electronics
In response, Sam’s Club announced they will be selling “everything necessary to create an elaborate sex dungeon” by July. Continue reading Target Adds BDSM Section Next to Electronics
Tag: sex
Canada Will Ban All Single-Use Condoms by 2021
We can’t have Canada smelling like burnt, used condoms anymore,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated. Continue reading Canada Will Ban All Single-Use Condoms by 2021
Study: Guys Use 3X More Lotion Than Girls, and Yes, You Know Why
“At least 87% of lotion used by men is vigorously rubbed on less than 1% of their bodies.” Continue reading Study: Guys Use 3X More Lotion Than Girls, and Yes, You Know Why
US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’
“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated. Continue reading US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’
China Bans Heterosexual Sex Over Population Concerns
“The only sexual contact permitted in China for the foreseeable future will be homosexual in nature,” President Jinping stated while intertwining his fingers with NBA star Yao Ming. Continue reading China Bans Heterosexual Sex Over Population Concerns
Joe Biden Caught on Tape Saying “Punch Her in the Taco”
Biden was leering at the frail, 85 year old Senator Dianne Feinstein when he uttered the phrase. Continue reading Joe Biden Caught on Tape Saying “Punch Her in the Taco”
Pope Francis Demands Every Dirty Detail on Sexual Abuse for His Adult Fantasy Novel
Pope Francis’ adult book is entitled ‘The Divinci Load.’ Continue reading Pope Francis Demands Every Dirty Detail on Sexual Abuse for His Adult Fantasy Novel
MLB Highlights “The Raw Sexual Tension of Baseball” on Opening Day
“Most of the leathery, ball-related action on the field actually takes place in the players’ jockstraps,” Commissioner Rob Manfred stated. Continue reading MLB Highlights “The Raw Sexual Tension of Baseball” on Opening Day
Patriots Owner Caught in Massive Cheese-Fetish Pornography Ring
“I permanently cut cheese out of my diet,” police officer Damien Stephens stated. “If you’ve never seen a ‘Kraft Singles Cheese Queef Shower,’ I recommend that you keep it that way.” Continue reading Patriots Owner Caught in Massive Cheese-Fetish Pornography Ring
Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine
“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated. Continue reading Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine
Mars Rover Found Dead From Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
“It’s sad to think how much we could have achieved if we hadn’t installed so much BDSM programming.” Continue reading Mars Rover Found Dead From Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
Democrats Are Lobbying Melania Trump to Have Sex With the President
Democrats are trying to persuade Melania Trump to bring the president to mindblowing climax. Continue reading Democrats Are Lobbying Melania Trump to Have Sex With the President
A Face-Licking Epidemic is Freaking Out Floridians
“Oakley’s actions have thrown open the closet doors for individuals who are aroused by licking things to claim them as their own,” Continue reading A Face-Licking Epidemic is Freaking Out Floridians
Desperate, Unpaid Government Employees Shift to Sex Work, Drug Trafficking
“Handies start at $18 and prices go up from there.” Continue reading Desperate, Unpaid Government Employees Shift to Sex Work, Drug Trafficking
Banned Bump Stocks Will Be Recycled as Sex Toys, Justice Department Says
“We do strongly prefer that they be handed over as they’ll be repurposed as thrusting devices in sex toys.” Continue reading Banned Bump Stocks Will Be Recycled as Sex Toys, Justice Department Says
Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation
Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’ Continue reading Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation
Sexual Predator Could be 2nd Alien on Supreme Court
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway Continue reading Sexual Predator Could be 2nd Alien on Supreme Court
Kavanaugh Avoids Sex Scandal by Becoming Ordained Priest Overnight
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani Continue reading Kavanaugh Avoids Sex Scandal by Becoming Ordained Priest Overnight