A study at Stanford University on skincare has shown that men, on average, use three times more lotion than their female counterparts – most of which is applied to the penis.

“Male masturbation drives the lotion industry. I’ve seen a 90-year-old penis that didn’t look a day over 25 – so it makes sense to me” Head Researcher Janet Stephens stated. “But the balls, that’s always a different story. I’ve seen some sacks flopping around at knee level – at which point the testicles should really be considered a weapon, like nunchucks.”

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