(Milwaukee, WI) Local man James Fielder, who firmly believes that the United States is the best country on the planet, refuses to ever leave his house without bringing at least two guns with him. “I carry these weapons in public … Continue reading Man Who Says US Is Greatest Country On Earth Can’t Step Out Front Door Without Being Armed For Combat
The US military is doing an about-face and heading back to Afghanistan after President Joe Biden suddenly remembered that the war-torn country has massive, untapped oil reserves. Biden says it would be “unconscionable” to not secure the oil. “It would … Continue reading Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil
Bill Cosby is now a free man after it was announced that a Pennsylvania judge had overturned his conviction this week. Once word had spread, the news completely destroyed what little bit of faith Americans had just begun to feel … Continue reading Bill Cosby’s Release Completely Restores Nation’s Lack Of Faith In Justice System
An unidentified protester in Portland, Oregon lit several Bibles and an American flag on fire last night, causing outrage across the country. What happened next will warm your heart. The man wasn’t burned, brutally attacked, arrested or otherwise injured. He … Continue reading Man Tries to Burn Bible & American Flag at Protest, What Happens Next Will Warm Your Heart
White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany shocked the press today when she accidentally acknowledged that science does in fact exist, but that it shouldn’t impact the decisions the nation makes during the pandemic. “A little thing called ‘science’ should not … Continue reading White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science
The United States Supreme Court ruled this morning that states can now punish Electoral College members that don’t vote for the candidate who wins statewide presidential balloting. The news comes after the young country just celebrated its 244th year as … Continue reading Supreme Court Ruling Pushes Nation Dangerously Close to Becoming a Real Democracy
The first case of the coronavirus has hit the US and the Center for Disease Control has partnered with Corona Light to raise a glass and some awareness. The two organizations say the cure could be as simple as drinking … Continue reading CDC: An ice-cold, refreshing Corona Light could make you immune to the coronavirus
(Infographics provided by White House) They’re back from the dead! Big box store Toys ‘R’ Us, who declared bankruptcy just last year, has signed a $16 million deal to supply the US government with drones to police the northern border. … Continue reading Toys ‘R’ Us lands $16 million defense contract to monitor Canadian border with drones
The Trump Border Wall Hotel will be the 15th longest structure in the world and have over half a million rooms. Continue reading Supreme Court Ruling Gives Green Light For Trump Border Wall Hotel Construction
“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.” Continue reading Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day
“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated. Continue reading US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’
“If you’re banned you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey.” – Nancy Pelosi Continue reading Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate
“HOLD THE DATE! We will be having one of the largest gatherings in the history of Washington State,” Trump wrote. “There will be a rainbow of fireworks, the best drag queens – only the best – and the first ever reading of the US Constitution by your favorite President, me!” Continue reading President Trump Announces Massive 4th of July Celebration for Liberals
‘The number of homeless veterans wheeling hundreds of gallons of gasoline through bustling urban centers could be a huge safety problem.’ Continue reading U.S. Veterans to Get Lifetime Supply of Gasoline
Law now outlaws sale of guns in America. Continue reading Trump Bans Guns After They Steal Spotlight From Him, Again
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile. Continue reading North Korea Accidentally Nukes Itself
