The United States Supreme Court ruled this morning that states can now punish Electoral College members that don’t vote for the candidate who wins statewide presidential balloting. The news comes after the young country just celebrated its 244th year as a a wishy-washy, pseudo-democracy.

“Maybe someday in the future Americans will live in a nation in which each person directly casts one vote and the majority vote-getter wins the presidential election. A crazy notion, I know.” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “But that day is not today and the majority winner – by nearly 3 million votes – is currently not our president.”

As of press time republicans were speaking out against one person, one vote; pointing out that they would likely never win the presidency again should our elections allow for such a system.

“It’s not that we don’t believe in democracy,” Senator Mitch McConnell stated. “It’s just that we don’t like the reality that we would be living in should true democracy be instated.”