Authorities list gunpowder, Sudafed, oregano, ammonium nitrate fertilizer, paint thinner and celery salt as some of the ingredients. Continue reading KFC’s ‘Secret Recipe’ is Just Explosives & Methamphetamines
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant Continue reading Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009
The company is set to increase revenue by a staggering 37% by simply having their most competent employees run the store once a week. Continue reading Chick-fil-A Announces It Will Open On Sundays, Be Run By Atheist Employees
“It’s hard to keep the kids clean and the depression buried deep, deep down inside. Purell lets you do both.” Continue reading Soccer Moms Are Drinking Purell to Take the Edge Off This Summer
“People who have to smell their food before eating it are complete monsters.” Continue reading ‘Food Smellers’ Need to Stop Weirding-Out Normal Eaters
Japan will resume the commercial killing of overweight citizens in an effort to curb the population of the island and supplement dwindling soybean supplies. Continue reading Japan Resumes Hunting of Overweight Citizens After 30-Year Ban
“Without the cheese it just flows right through you.” – CEO Brian Niccols Continue reading Taco Bell Releases Cheese-Free Colon Cleanse Menu
“Science has confirmed that you all can shut the [expletive] up about it.” Continue reading Scientists End Debate: ‘Pineapple Belongs on Pizza if You Enjoy Pineapple on Pizza, You Shitheads’
The group stands out by wearing white clothing, often with pointed hoods to keep their bald heads warm. Continue reading Mr. Clean Cosplayers Host Bonfire Party in Dayton, Ohio
“Because of the extreme food poisoning, Kim has also experienced dramatic silicone loss in the [expletive], lip and breast regions.” Continue reading Kim Kardashian Sues Jack in the Box Over Explosive Diarrhea
Tostitos describes their new Extreme Mild Clear Salsa for White People® as being a thick, gelatinous substance for those with genetic spice sensitivities. Continue reading Tostitos Releases Extreme Mild Salsa For White People
“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.” Continue reading Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay
“Unless Redbox starts squeezing out moist, two-year-old prosciutto with every DVD, I have no idea how they’re going to compete with this.” Continue reading Weird Tech: Watch the Life Story of Animals as You Eat Them
“It’s not uncommon for the President to fart himself awake. Then, when he can’t fall back asleep, Mr. Trump passes the time on Twitter.” Continue reading Mueller Report Says President Trump has a Severe Flatulence Problem
“Papa John’s confirms that Shaq will be allowed to say the N-word at his discretion within his seven contracted advertisements.” Continue reading Failing Papa John’s Hires Shaquille O’Neal to Eat Most of Their Pizzas
“Mr. Trump rationalized eating 17 apple pies before vomiting all over himself and his desk. It makes sense to us, but we don’t expect the mainstream media to get it.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders Continue reading Trump Eats 17 McDonald’s Apple Pies for Pi Day
Campbell’s reports selling over 1.2 tons of Prego Afterbirth-Style pasta sauce in the first week. Continue reading Prego Under Fire for New Afterbirth-Style Pasta Sauce
“I permanently cut cheese out of my diet,” police officer Damien Stephens stated. “If you’ve never seen a ‘Kraft Singles Cheese Queef Shower,’ I recommend that you keep it that way.” Continue reading Patriots Owner Caught in Massive Cheese-Fetish Pornography Ring
