People looking for consistency in their post-Taco Bell shit are rejoicing over the company’s new cheese-free menu.

“Our new menu encourages what we call ‘Extra-Regular Bowel Movements’,” Taco Bell CEO Brian Niccol stated. “Without the cheese it just flows right through you.”

Those concerned about the crapping experience being different can take comfort in knowing that same intense burning will still be there.

“The ‘food’ will still pour out of you like hot lava filled with shards of glass and we guarantee that your bathroom visit will take place within 10 minutes of your first bite,” Niccol confirmed.

The new cheese-free menu will be available for a limited time, until the company runs out of tainted lettuce.

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