After being called out on social media for having small crowds, paid attendees, and empty seats at rallies, the Trump reelection campaign has taken to filling seats with additional dummies. “This is a smart move by the Trump campaign; matching … Continue reading Trump fills empty seats at rallies with additional dummies
A Georgia judge appointed by President Obama has ruled that the state can print their 2020 ballots in Russian. The ruling also struck down the use of archaic voting machines. “Since our electronic voting system is atrociously outdated and incredibly … Continue reading Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian
Trump went into vivid detail while describing the childhoods of famed rappers The Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac Shakur. Continue reading Trump Spends Entire Cincinnati Rally Explaining the Intricacies of the East Coast-West Coast Rap Rivalry to a Bewildered Crowd
“I saw the whole thing. Very odd, very sad.” – Senator Bernie Sanders Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Drinks Six Beers, Then Drunkenly Proposes a Warren-Sanders Presidential Ticket on Live TV
“It’s our time now! The dawning of the age of the Reptilians is upon us!” – Mitch McConnell Continue reading Mitch McConnell Blocks Election Security Bills in Preparation for The Reptilian Takeover
Biden’s hair came from his soundproof hobby room where he keeps his personal collection of real hair, mannequins and doll parts. Continue reading Staff Forces Joe Biden to Get Hair Plugs So He’ll Stop Smelling Women’s Hair
“I picked up the sweet, floral tones of South Colombian cocaine and the chemical aura of John Frieda’s Luxurious Volume Forever Full Hairspray for Fine Wigs.” – Joe Biden Continue reading Joe Biden: “Trump’s Wig Has an Overwhelming Odor Of Cocaine and Hairspray”
“I’m running because I have a very particular set of skills,” the 7-foot tall former FBI Director bellowed. “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, Mr. Trump.” Continue reading Robert Mueller Announces Presidential Bid to Take Down Trump
“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.” Continue reading Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet
“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring
Elizabeth Warren announced today at a campaign rally that she is “ready and willing” to divorce her husband of 39 years and marry her “lifelong best friend Barb.” Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Divorce Her Husband and Marry a Woman to Win the Presidency
Biden was leering at the frail, 85 year old Senator Dianne Feinstein when he uttered the phrase. Continue reading Joe Biden Caught on Tape Saying “Punch Her in the Taco”
“Milwaukee should brace itself for about 700 campaign rallies in the next 603 days.” – Gov. Tony Evers Continue reading Democrats to Occupy Wisconsin Until 2020 Election
“I have never been more turned on in my life.” – Juliet Moore, Bernie Sanders Supporter Continue reading Fired-Up Bernie Sanders Sprouts Huge Mustache During Campaign Rally
“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.” Continue reading Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration
An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America. Continue reading Oblivious Mike Pence Wears Furry Tail to CPAC
The Senator began the livestream by saying “Hold on a sec, I’m going to go grab my bong,” before exiting the shot and flipping on ‘Kaya’ by Bob Marley. Continue reading Down-to-Earth Elizabeth Warren Hits Rick and Morty Bong on Instagram Livestream
“The left prides itself on inclusivity, but here I am having to scream ‘DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER!?'” Continue reading Sexist Liberals Divide Party by Excluding “Bernie Hoes”
