Olympian Who Accidentally Took Grandmother’s Medication Sets World Record For Slowest Bobsled Run

Ukrainian bobsledder Hilda Lunko set the world record for slowest bobsled run in the Olympics this past week after she accidentally took her grandmother’s performance destabilizing drugs shortly before the race.

Lunko, who was the first Ukrainian female bobsledder to represent her country in the winter games, was immediately drug tested after the record run due to extremely odd behavior and lack of coordination.

“A normal run time in this sport is a minute and 5-ish seconds at the Olympics,” a Beijing Olympic doping official stated. “It took her 6 minutes and 37 seconds.”

Indeed, her run appeared doomed from the beginning as a wobbly Lunko staggered to the start line all while appearing to slur her words as she spoke to her coach.

As she started her race, Lunko slipped and fell four times while pushing her bobsled. At the last possible moment she finally managed to get into her vehicle.

Later, three quarters of the way down the track, the olympian would almost come to a complete stop all while spinning around to face backward.

“We didn’t think this was possible,” the official confirmed.

When all was said and done the Ukraine had finished dead last – in 20th place.

After her drug test came back, Lunko was found to have tested positive for a sedative typically given to elderly patients to both calm them down and enhance their mood.

“Doping is doping,” an Olympic official stated. “Anyone who is found to be under the influence of any banned drug during competition must be immediately disqualified and ejected from the games – even if it was an accident and even if it wasn’t a performance enhancing drug.”

As of press time the International Olympic Committee (IOC) was considering making the accidental ingestion of an athlete’s grandfather’s performance enhancing drugs a disqualifying act as well.

“We don’t want to go overboard, but we’re considering it,” an IOC representative stated.

Photo credit Sandro Halank

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