The state of Michigan passed sweeping legislation today banning the sale of flavored alcohol and vape products. The state claims that the flavors encourage smoking and drinking among minors.

“There’s growing evidence that flavored products could have negative health impacts,” Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer stated during a morning address while lighting a cigarette and pouring a tall glass of straight Jack Daniels.

“Behind the candy taste is a product that hooks kids and adults alike,” Whitmer stated while blowing billowing smoke rings. “It’s a public health crisis.”

The state says it doesn’t plan to outlaw regular-flavored drugs until lawmakers are no longer using them.

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