Donald Trump announced today that he plans to run for President of Iran in the country’s 2021 election if current leader Hassan Rouhani doesn’t stop his attacks on US bases in Iraq. “I’m going to be the first man to … Continue reading Trump threatens to destroy Iran by becoming their president
In a narrow 151-139 vote, Iranian Parliament voted today to allow women to star in pornography. Up until today, women had been barred from appearing in any adult films or printed magazines. “No longer will we have to dress young … Continue reading Historic: Iran votes to allow women in pornography
President Donald Trump is furious that he hasn’t received a gift from Santa since 2000 – when he was 54 years old. Continue reading Trump threatens North Pole after going 18 years without a single present from Santa
President Trump went on a 20-minute rant on live TV today in which he described how the radical left is taking Jesus out of the Thanksgiving turkey preparation process. “They want to stop us, the lefty loons, ” Trump stated. … Continue reading Trump: “The Looney Vegan Left is Removing Jesus From The Thanksgiving Turkey Process”
When asked by reporters today how he felt about Rick Perry calling him God’s “Chosen One,” president Trump faced cameras at the White House and stated “It’s cute. I think it’s really cute that Rick still thinks there’s a God. … Continue reading Trump: ‘It’s cute that Rick Perry thinks there’s a God. If anything, I’m God!’
With the announcement of the 26th Annual Darwin Awards, Donald Trump has found himself on the winner’s list. The leader of the free world tweeted about his accomplishment. Notably, Darwin Award winners are required to be sterile, display an astounding … Continue reading President Trump brags about winning a Darwin Award
President Trump’s fourth remedial English tutor in three years has quit, citing irreconcilable differences regarding words, their accurate usage, how they are spelled and their correct pronunciation. “Mr. Trump may ‘have the best words,’ but they’re frequently made-up or misspelled,” … Continue reading Trump’s 4th remedial English tutor quits citing irreconcilable differences
President Trump included over 1,750 nude photos of himself with whistleblower evidence that he sent to House Democrats. The naked images are making it nearly impossible for investigators to sift through information without becoming violently ill. “The impeachment inquiry is … Continue reading Trump releases thousands of nude photos to distract from impeachment proceedings
House democrats killed a republican-sponsored bill today that would have allowed president Trump to detonate nukes in the eyes of hurricanes utilizing trained dolphins. The 272-158 vote reportedly infuriated the president who immediately went on Twitter to vent his anger. Continue reading Trump temporarily blocked from using nuclear armed dolphins against hurricanes
“Holy hell! C’mon people. Do I need to spell it out for you!?” – Robert Mueller Continue reading Annoyed Robert Mueller Snaps: “Oh My God, Just Impeach the Bastard Already!”
“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.” Continue reading President Jimmy Carter Says Melania Trump’s Boobs Were Put In Place By The Russians
“With McCain already tormenting Donald Trump by repeatedly moving and re-hiding the pee tape, we can only expect worse and worse episodes.” Continue reading Ghost of John McCain Announces 2020 Presidential Bid
An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs. Continue reading U.S. Stops Development of Genetically-Modified, Cybernetic Babies
“I picked up the sweet, floral tones of South Colombian cocaine and the chemical aura of John Frieda’s Luxurious Volume Forever Full Hairspray for Fine Wigs.” – Joe Biden Continue reading Joe Biden: “Trump’s Wig Has an Overwhelming Odor Of Cocaine and Hairspray”
“I’m running because I have a very particular set of skills,” the 7-foot tall former FBI Director bellowed. “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, Mr. Trump.” Continue reading Robert Mueller Announces Presidential Bid to Take Down Trump
“Because you can’t fire a gun in the bedroom, it can be very difficult for our members to achieve an erection without penis pills.” Continue reading The NRA Spent Hundreds of Millions of Dollars on Viagra for Executives
“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.” Continue reading Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally
Elizabeth Warren announced today at a campaign rally that she is “ready and willing” to divorce her husband of 39 years and marry her “lifelong best friend Barb.” Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Divorce Her Husband and Marry a Woman to Win the Presidency
