President Trump included over 1,750 nude photos of himself with whistleblower evidence that he sent to House Democrats. The naked images are making it nearly impossible for investigators to sift through information without becoming violently ill.

“The impeachment inquiry is on hold until someone, and I mean anyone – because we’re taking volunteers here – if anyone can manage to remove the interwoven pile of disgusting imagery, ” Speaker Nancy Pelosi stated. “So if you can handle cottage cheese thighs and a tiny penis with no balls, please contact me today.”

Because of the lewd photos inclusion in the evidence, a charge of obstruction of justice has been added to the list of Trump’s transgressions.