Alabama – In the state that consumes more mayonnaise per capita than any other, It comes as no surprise that Alabamans have found a way to make 3lb burger patties that are made of only pasteurized mayo. 4,755 calories, and known to make the left side of your body go numb, mayonnaise patties are a staple in the Yellowhammer State.
Wisconsin – You think you’ve heard it all, but how about Cheese Fried Cheese soaked in an exclusive New Glarus Beer. These heart-attacks from Wisconsin have a raw veal center (which is baby calf). The 18 to 20 week-old calves are cut apart while alive to maintain tenderness. You know you’ve found an authentic one when the blood streams down your chin.
Idaho – French fries.
California – California Condor wings. Incredibly rare and illegal to eat, condor wings are only found in underground Hollywood poker rings. The wings are the only part consumed, as the rest of the bird – which can weigh up to 31lbs – is typically buried in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery under the cloak of darkness. With approximately 400 of these majestic birds left in the world, count yourself lucky if you ever get the chance to eat one.
Connecticut – Known as “The Constitution State”, Connecticuters relish in the treat of their ‘White Klan Pizzas’. Being the only state in the North that is as racist as the South, residents here enjoy cutting out the 13th Amendment from copies of The Constitution and packing the paper into pizza crusts. The pizza is then smothered with a creamy Alfredo and horse semen sauce and topped with pickled clams. Who wants a Prejudiced Pizza Party!?
Alaska – You’ll never think of Rudolph and his red nose the same way again. Alaska boasts their exotic Reindeer Dogs. Made from the penis of a male reindeer – commonly called ‘bulls’ – these phallic treats were made popular by former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. The meal became a sensation and trend among conservatives after Palin won a Reindeer Dog eating contest at the State Fair – leading to Alaskan reindeer being placed on the endangered species list.
Wyoming – The ‘Coyote Burger’ is said to be a staple here, but no one has ever seen or tried one because Wyoming is a fictitious state created by the US government in 1890.
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