“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”
“I have never been more turned on in my life.” – Juliet Moore, Bernie Sanders Supporter
“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”
“In common public opinion, turtles are just cold-blooded, unthinking and unfeeling creatures,” University of Kentucky Herpetology professor Horace Bartjis stated. “So McConnell really chose the right profession.”
The Senator began the livestream by saying “Hold on a sec, I’m going to go grab my bong,” before exiting the shot and flipping on ‘Kaya’ by Bob Marley.
Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character.
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
“Mitch insists on having mayonnaise in every single meal he eats.”