Mitch McConnell is Obsessed with Mayonnaise and It’s Disgusting

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has a fixation on mayonnaise (and mayonnaise sandwiches) that borders on insanity.

McConnell uses a jar of mayonnaise as a prop to explain why trickle down economics is taking longer than expected.
Senator Mitch McConnell holds a mayonnaise sub sandwich in an alluring manner in an attempt to seduce another mayonnaise sandwich nearby.
McConnell savors a sweet, creamy glass of $5,000-a-jar Hellmann’s mayonnaise. Aged 30 years in another, larger jar of Hellmann’s mayonnaise – the drink causes minor internal bleeding.
Ponders how many children go to bed hungry because not enough mayo sandwiches
McConnell ponders how many children go to bed hungry because there are not enough mayonnaise sandwiches.
Waves to defendant in murder trial that was his ex lover and mayo sandwich
Senator McConnell waves to a defendant in a murder trial that was his ex-lover, and also a mayonnaise sandwich.
Orders a mayonnaise sandwich from an usher while doing a reading of 1 216 Corinthians.png
Mitch McConnell orders a mayonnaise sandwich from an usher while delivering a reading of 1 Corinthians 6:12 in St. Peter’s Basilica to a crowd of over 29,000.
McConnell gets his biannual mayo enema .png
The Senator gets his biannual mayonnaise enema.
Mitch McConnell has White House intern parachute him a mayonnaise sandwich during a 7-hour filibuster on the Senate floor.
Senator Mitchell McConnell Imagines that Donald Trump is a mayonnaise sandwich during the Presidential Inauguration.
McConnell orgasms while thinking about moist mayo sandwiches.png
The elected representative from Kentucky orgasms while thinking about moist, mayonnaise sandwiches.
Caught red-handed, the Senator drops a Mayo Sub as a Mayo Sandwich tells McConnell it's pregnant.png
Senate Majority Leader Addison Mitchell McConnell Jr. meditates several times a day by envisioning he is holding a mayonnaise submarine sandwich.
Angry McConnell watches as trump incorrectly explains how mayo is made of eggs that come from roosters .png
A furious Mitch McConnell glares with tangible disappointment as President Trump incorrectly explains how “mayonnaise is made from eggs which can only come from roosters” at an American Poultry Association gathering on the West Lawn.

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One thought on “Mitch McConnell is Obsessed with Mayonnaise and It’s Disgusting

  1. I’m pretty sure that though Mitch is certainly part turtle, he is also grandmother to at least a dozen minions if not, well, al of us. I can’t think of him without picturing him in a light blue and white checkered bonnet . I don’t know if I’ve actually seen this in a photo or it came to me in a dream. Pretty sure he also featured a shell and four tiny, flailing legs. It’s so real, it can’t be my imagination.

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