Tag: satire
Kanye West Says He’ll Pull Out Of Coachella If Billie Eilish Doesn’t Apologize For Being Mean To Him In The Dream He Had Last Night
Judge Throws Out Sarah Palin Libel Case Because ‘Nobody Ever Knows What The Hell She’s Talking About’
U.S. District Court Judge Jed Rakoff, who is presiding over the Sarah Palin vs. New York Times libel trial, stunned those in the courtroom today when he abruptly threw out the entire case while Palin was on the stand. “None … Continue reading Judge Throws Out Sarah Palin Libel Case Because ‘Nobody Ever Knows What The Hell She’s Talking About’
Trump Repeatedly Flushed Official Documents Down The Toilet & Flooded The Oval Office
Maggie Haberman’s new book “Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America” reveals that throughout the Trump presidency White House staff would find documents clogging the toilet adjacent to the Oval Office – sometimes resulting in … Continue reading Trump Repeatedly Flushed Official Documents Down The Toilet & Flooded The Oval Office
Despite Clearing Browser Histories, FL Republicans Still Unable To Stop Thinking About Gay Kids
Despite clearing their browser histories, Ron DeSantis and dozens of fellow Florida republicans are having an extremely difficult time getting themselves to stop thinking about gay kids. “Anything relating to the queers has to be considered sexual; even their very … Continue reading Despite Clearing Browser Histories, FL Republicans Still Unable To Stop Thinking About Gay Kids
BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday
President Joe Biden has declared ‘Super Bowl Monday’ – the day after the big football game – a new national holiday. The decision was made when Biden read an article about the huge losses that companies already incur on that … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday
Frontier-Spirit Merger Cancelled After Airlines Try To Charge Each Other Millions In Hidden Fees
A Frontier and Spirit Airline merger fell through just hours after being announced this morning when both companies realized that the other had slipped in hundreds of millions of dollars in hidden ‘merger fees’. “It was a wonderful idea to … Continue reading Frontier-Spirit Merger Cancelled After Airlines Try To Charge Each Other Millions In Hidden Fees
NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean
The head of NASA announced today that the organization plans to get rid of the aging International Space Station (ISS) by “purposely crashing it into the Pacific Ocean” sometime in January of 2031. NASA says that the decision was made … Continue reading NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean
Bill Cosby Sang ‘Smooth Criminal’ While Dressed As A Mixed Drink On ‘The Masked Singer’
Fox’s upcoming season of The Masked Singer is losing its mystery and its fans as yet another contestant has been revealed. Actor and comedian Ken Jeong spilled the beans to TMZ about Bill Cosby being on the show after Jeong … Continue reading Bill Cosby Sang ‘Smooth Criminal’ While Dressed As A Mixed Drink On ‘The Masked Singer’
Resorts In Cancun Abandoned As City Braces For Approaching Ted Cruz
Countless resorts and businesses across Cancun boarded up their windows and doors yesterday as citizens, tourists and the cartel all fled the city upon hearing that Ted Cruz would be degrading the area with his presence again while he escaped … Continue reading Resorts In Cancun Abandoned As City Braces For Approaching Ted Cruz
Jeff Bezos: Record Number Of ‘Superyachts’ Sold Last Year Shows America’s Poor & Middle Class Still Know Their Fucking Place
Numbers released today by the American Yachting Association reveal that a record amount of ‘superyachts’ were sold last year in the United States. Economists and the super rich alike say this is a sign that the American poor and middle … Continue reading Jeff Bezos: Record Number Of ‘Superyachts’ Sold Last Year Shows America’s Poor & Middle Class Still Know Their Fucking Place
Canadian Trucker Protest Enters 9th Day Of Hurling Insults Followed By Immediate, Heartfelt Apologies
Widely regarded as one of the most passive-aggressive protests in history, Truckers against vaccine mandates in Ottowa, Canada have entered their ninth day of hurling insults and then immediately issuing heartfelt apologies. “I’m sorry, but we’re quite livid. This is … Continue reading Canadian Trucker Protest Enters 9th Day Of Hurling Insults Followed By Immediate, Heartfelt Apologies
Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location
Billionaire businessman and entrepreneur Elon Musk recently purchased 420 private jets in an effort to prevent 19-year-old college freshman Jack Sweeny from using an algorithm he created to reveal where Musk and his plane are at all times. Notably, Musk … Continue reading Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location
New Petition To Fix Joe Rogan’s Nipples Quickly Surpasses Calls to Remove Him From Spotify
A petition circling the internet demanding that Joe Rogan “fix” his nipples has now racked up over 3.5 million signatures in just hours. The petition was drafted this morning after photos of the business man and entertainer’s disturbing nipples began … Continue reading New Petition To Fix Joe Rogan’s Nipples Quickly Surpasses Calls to Remove Him From Spotify
7 Sad Yet Easy Ways Poor People Can Keep Warm This Winter That Won’t Break The Bank
Freezing temperatures aren’t just nasty, they can also increase risk of death – something that only 47% of poor Americans welcome. Here are some sad, but easy ways to stay warm this winter that won’t break the bank. 1. Don’t … Continue reading 7 Sad Yet Easy Ways Poor People Can Keep Warm This Winter That Won’t Break The Bank
Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill
After admitting that he purposely collapsed an entire bridge in Pennsylvania injuring 10 people, President Joe Biden told a stunned crowd today that he’ll “fucking do it again” until the Republicans stop trying to take credit for Democrats passing the … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill
Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’
Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent an entire hour last night attacking the Biden family for allegedly declawing the new White House cat. The decision to focus on the topic came despite the fact that nobody at Fox had confirmed … Continue reading Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’
Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’
According to sources at Fox News, entertainer Tucker Carlson has spent the last few days disillusioned, crying and upset that the Mars company has made their green M&M character “less sexy” by swapping out her high heels for regular shoes. … Continue reading Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’