25% of Americans believe that God will determine the Super Bowl winner. Additionally, almost 50% believe that God rewards the more devout athletes. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading 25% Of Americans Believe God Decides The Winner Of The Super Bowl
Upon hearing that Joe Biden called Fox News journalist Peter Doocy a “stupid son of a bitch,” former president Donald Trump gave a public statement rebuking Biden. “We’ve got sleepy, creepy Joe being so rude, so unfair, so unpresidential,” Trump … Continue reading Trump: ‘I Would Never Attack A Single Disgusting, Dishonest, Low-Rated, Enemy Of The People, Fake News Journalist!’
The NFL announced today that starting next weekend the league will be using plant-based, vegan footballs. The historic change comes after Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady held a press conference in which he spent over an hour telling reporters why he’s … Continue reading NFL Will Use ‘Animal-Free’ Footballs Now That Tom Brady Is Going Vegan
Multiple reports from Washington D.C. and West Virginia residents are beginning to show a clear pattern of senator Joe Manchin holding up lines at gas stations while he plays $1 scratch tickets. What makes things take even longer is Manchin’s … Continue reading Joe Manchin Regularly Holds Up Lines At Gas Stations While Playing $1 Scratchers
A restraining order was handed down to NASA on Tuesday after one of their spacecrafts was seen lurking near the Sun before it penetrated the massive ball of fire; touching it right on the atmosphere. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere
Florida governor Ron DeSantis held a press conference today in which he announced a new bill called the ‘W.O.K.E Act’ – or Whites Organizing for KKKonservative Education. The governor said that he was taking a stand against critical race theory … Continue reading DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’
Elon Musk was “more than a little bit surprised” today when it was announced that he was Dog Fancy’s ‘Bitch of the Year.’ “Now you may be thinking ‘dogs are pretty dumb,’ but there are many other reasons why Elon … Continue reading Dog Fancy Magazine Names Elon Musk ‘Bitch Of The Year’
Scientists across the globe are now starting to admit that there is a perk for those of us who are wisely choosing not to get vaccinated against Covid: We’re 11 times more likely to meet God sooner than all of … Continue reading Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You
While celebrating her birthday today, rapper, singer, and songwriter Nicki Minaj turned around, bent over and farted on her birthday cake in an odd effort to blow out the candles. Minaj moaned as she let out a long, wet one … Continue reading Nicki Minaj Farts Out Her Birthday Candles ‘To Avoid Spreading Covid’
Billionaire Elon Musk stunned attendees at The Wall Street Journal’s CEO Council Summit yesterday when he proclaimed that “CEO is a made-up title.” Musk added that he had applied for a formal SEC filing to change his official title to “Sir … Continue reading Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’
Pizza chain Little Caesars announced today that they have completely overhauled the ingredients that they use to make their pizza crusts, but that they’ve done absolutely nothing to make the rest of the pizza more palatable. “We went ahead and … Continue reading Little Caesars: ‘We Improved The Crust, But The Rest Of The Pizza Is Still Absolute Trash’
Several Republican members of Congress declared today that the Covid pandemic – which has caused nearly 800,000 deaths in the United States – is now over. As the news spread throughout the country, countless right wing hospital workers started removing … Continue reading Ventilators Removed From Patients & Burned As Republicans Declare Pandemic Over
Famous comedians Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart and Louis C.K. have all been Grammy nominated for the Most Cancelled award. The award, which is new this year, was created by the Grammy committee “to recognize how very real and unfair cancel … Continue reading Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart & Louis C.K. All Grammy Nominated For ‘Most Cancelled’ Award
(Milwaukee, WI) After overhearing someone talk about yesterday’s passage of the new Infrastructure Bill, a gaping pothole in downtown Milwaukee is now growing in anticipation of being filled to the brim. Locals say the submissive pothole has been taking a … Continue reading Gaping Pothole Just Begging To Be Filled
Representatives from the Green Bay Packers organization have admitted to the press that quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ helmet was custom made with a thick tin foil liner at his request. The team says that Rodgers wears the tin foil helmet in … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers’ Helmet Liner Completely Made Of Tin Foil
Representative Matt Krause (R-TX) has compiled a list of 850 books that he wants to ban in schools. Krause says the books in question “might make students feel discomfort, guilt, anguish, or any other form of psychological distress because of … Continue reading TX Republican To Ban 850 Books That ‘Could Make Students Feel Uneasy’
Due to widespread mistrust of both science and the CDC, the vast majority of kids age 5 to 11 who have been vaccinated are those designated as the “least favorite child” in their family. In fact, statistics show that more … Continue reading Hesitant Parents Sending Least Favorite Child To Get Vaccinated First
