Freezing temperatures aren’t just nasty, they can also increase risk of death – something that only 47% of poor Americans welcome. Here are some sad, but easy ways to stay warm this winter that won’t break the bank.

1. Don’t Wear Tight Shoes.
If your kicks are too small you aren’t going to have enough blood circulating to keep your tootsies warm. Pull out those old clown shoes you bought for work back when you thought you had hit rock bottom (it got worse) and put ’em on!

2. Bundle Up In Your Warmest Outfit.
We’ve all got weird stuff hiding in the back of our closets. Take a look in there and find the official NASA spacesuit that you acquired years back when life made sense. Hey, if it can protect an astronaut maybe it can save you from the cold, dark void that is your life.

3. Move Grandma.
Is grandma blocking the radiator? Don’t heat the backside of grandma – move her and heat yourself instead.

4. Get Nostalgic.
Researchers at Harvard University say that nostalgia can raise your body temperature. Try remembering everything about that ex that broke your heart. Sadness never felt so warm.

5. Alcoholism.
Are you freezing and sad? If one thing’s for sure, you shouldn’t stop drinking. Chug plenty of cheap vodka – because you can’t feel cold if you’re passed the fuck out.

6. Suck It Up.
You don’t see penguins complaining in Antarctica where the weather is far worse and they have no money.

7. Never Stop Moving.
This is the easiest option on our list once you start shivering uncontrollably.