Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.” Continue reading Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast
Tag: real
Study: Millennials are the First Generation to Not View Pornography for the Plot Line
“These kids aren’t fully investing themselves in the vibrant artistic expression and riveting stories.” – Jane Meyers, Head of Stanford’s Sex & Gender Studies Continue reading Study: Millennials are the First Generation to Not View Pornography for the Plot Line
FDA Approves iPhone Birth Control App
“It will sound like an airplane is taking off inside of the user’s vagina,” iBort creator Justin Swartzky stated. Continue reading FDA Approves iPhone Birth Control App
Viagra Ends Trump Sponsorship Deal
“The president had been taking Viagra six times a day – one pill with every meal.” – Rudy Giuliani Continue reading Viagra Ends Trump Sponsorship Deal
Mexico Agrees to Build Wall, Trump Will Permit Underground Tunnels
“I make great deals, okay? This deal is really phenomenal on the surface. It’s a wonderful, superficial deal,” Trump said. Continue reading Mexico Agrees to Build Wall, Trump Will Permit Underground Tunnels
Melania Trump Had Secret Meeting With Divorce Lawyers Regarding Russian Adoptions
Melania’s emails have been released to the public in an act of transparency. Continue reading Melania Trump Had Secret Meeting With Divorce Lawyers Regarding Russian Adoptions
Dole Recalls 27 Million Bananas for Having Penis DNA
Banana sales have increased by 27% in the United States. Continue reading Dole Recalls 27 Million Bananas for Having Penis DNA
An iRobot Roomba 690 Robot Vacuum with Wi-Fi Connectivity has Been Running the Country since late 2017
“The first idea that it runs into is the decision that we go with.” – Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross Continue reading An iRobot Roomba 690 Robot Vacuum with Wi-Fi Connectivity has Been Running the Country since late 2017
Trump Thinks He Nominated Glenn Sturgis from ‘Superstore’ to Supreme Court
Trump intended to nominate Mark McKinney who plays the role of Glenn Sturgis in NBC’s ‘Superstore’. Continue reading Trump Thinks He Nominated Glenn Sturgis from ‘Superstore’ to Supreme Court
Pfizer Releases Pills that Slowly Deduct Money from Your Bank Account
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference. Continue reading Pfizer Releases Pills that Slowly Deduct Money from Your Bank Account
Trump is Selling ‘Urine-Scented’ Perfume
‘MAGA’ is a unisex perfume boasting liquefied $100 bills as a key ingredient. Continue reading Trump is Selling ‘Urine-Scented’ Perfume
Neil Degrasse Tyson is Donating Sperm in Massive Quantities
Tyson offered a confusingly graphic, yet scientific explanation. Continue reading Neil Degrasse Tyson is Donating Sperm in Massive Quantities
President Trump Has Strangled a Bear Cub to Death on the North Lawn
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would… Continue reading President Trump Has Strangled a Bear Cub to Death on the North Lawn
Uber Eats Now Offers Pre-Chewed Meals
Customers can choose from: Careful Crunch, Medium Munch, or Gnarly Gnaw. Continue reading Uber Eats Now Offers Pre-Chewed Meals
Nearly Half of Boy Scouts Become Forest-Dwelling Socialists
It is not uncommon for Bear Cubs (scouts as young as 8 or 9 years old) to leave their families for a better life in the forest. Continue reading Nearly Half of Boy Scouts Become Forest-Dwelling Socialists
Controversial ‘We Ate a Zoo’ Sequel Coming to Theaters This Fall
The movie reaches its tipping point when Damon’s children begin to ask why their favorite pig ‘Oinkers’ has gone missing. Continue reading Controversial ‘We Ate a Zoo’ Sequel Coming to Theaters This Fall
Obama Shows Kenyan Birth Certificate After Leaving D.C. Mosque
Obama was confronted while leaving a mosque. Continue reading Obama Shows Kenyan Birth Certificate After Leaving D.C. Mosque
Strict ‘No Farting’ Policy Enforced in White House
President Donald Trump used a morning staff meeting today to address leaks that have plagued his administration since day one. In an impassioned speech, the President touched on many topics – concluding with the implementation of a strict ‘No Farting’ … Continue reading Strict ‘No Farting’ Policy Enforced in White House