Tag: work
Unwashed Device Used To Masturbate Passed Around By Coworkers To Order Food
Elon Musk Fires All Staff That Won’t Do Cocaine: ‘Everyone Must Work Nonstop’
Twitter CEO Elon Musk sent out a company-wide email today informing employees that they are all required to snort cocaine. “The entire staff must able to work nonstop, and for days on end,” Musk wrote. “The only way I see … Continue reading Elon Musk Fires All Staff That Won’t Do Cocaine: ‘Everyone Must Work Nonstop’
New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude
Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed a bill into law today that will place any public school teachers who teach students about slavery into involuntary servitude programs. “There is not place for discussing slavery in Alabama schools. The past is in … Continue reading New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude
Incapable Of Rational Thought, Man Says His Life Is Hard Too, So Privilege Can’t Possibly Exist
Brookfield, WI – Incapable of rational thought, local straight, white, able-bodied, Christian man Alan Richmond says that because his life has been hard too, it means that privilege cannot possibly exist. Experts are saying that Richmond is a very common … Continue reading Incapable Of Rational Thought, Man Says His Life Is Hard Too, So Privilege Can’t Possibly Exist
CDC Reveals New Logo That’s Just A Man Shrugging
Fast Food Restaurants Back To Being Fully-Staffed After Only Fans Bans Sexual Content
Fast food restaurants are fully-staffed once again after popular porn site Only Fans announced today that it will no longer be allowing sexual content on their platform. Here’s what people are saying: McDonald’s photo credit Paul Sableman Continue reading Fast Food Restaurants Back To Being Fully-Staffed After Only Fans Bans Sexual Content
Man Who Works In The Trades Favorite Pastime Is Telling Everyone To Get A Job In The Trades
MILWAUKEE, WI – Local man and proud welder Joseph Stallsworth says that his favorite pastime is telling anyone who will listen to go out and get a job in the trades. “It doesn’t matter if we are complete strangers or … Continue reading Man Who Works In The Trades Favorite Pastime Is Telling Everyone To Get A Job In The Trades
Woman in Pink Mary Kay Mercedes Just Realized She’s Part of a Pyramid Scheme
36-year-old Karen Howard of Ontario, CA just realized that the vibrant pink Mary Kay Mercedes she’s driving is an announcement to the world that she’s part of a pyramid scheme. Howard says she can’t believe that she’s spent two years … Continue reading Woman in Pink Mary Kay Mercedes Just Realized She’s Part of a Pyramid Scheme
A Record 69% of Americans Are Disengaged at Work
According to a recent Gallop poll, less than 1 in 3 employed Americans say they’re involved in, enthusiastic about, or committed to their work or workplace. What do you think? Continue reading A Record 69% of Americans Are Disengaged at Work
Tech Companies Scramble to Reopen Offices so Workers Can Commute to Zoom Meetings
Despite being unable to utilize most office space or conference rooms, tech companies across the United States are pushing to reopen offices so that workers can commute to their Zoom meetings; serving as a firm reminder that employee autonomy only … Continue reading Tech Companies Scramble to Reopen Offices so Workers Can Commute to Zoom Meetings
Unadjustable, 40-Degree Tap Water at Work Isn’t Killing Anything
(Denver, CO) Local man Peter Darling says the unadjustable, nearly-freezing cold water in his workplace restroom is most likely not killing off the Coronavirus, or any other germs for that matter. “If anything, we’re probably giving the virus a nice, … Continue reading Unadjustable, 40-Degree Tap Water at Work Isn’t Killing Anything
Discrimination: Einstein Bagels only hires males with small penises to make center holes in bagels
A class action lawsuits against restaurant chain Einstein Bros Bagels is claiming the restaurant discriminates based on penis size when hiring male employees. Several men reported that part of the interview process involved comparing hand and foot sizes with current … Continue reading Discrimination: Einstein Bagels only hires males with small penises to make center holes in bagels
A British startup company is selling a toilet that is unbearable to sit on after five minutes
British startup, StandardToilet, announced its latest product today: a toilet with a seat that angles 13-degrees downward; making sitting unbearable after just five minutes. With 89% of Americans saying they surf the web while on the toilet at work, experts … Continue reading A British startup company is selling a toilet that is unbearable to sit on after five minutes
Disgruntled LASIK surgeon might just cut straight through to the brain this time
Congress divided between total FEC shutdown or posting a job on Craigslist
With the Federal Election Commission vice chairman Matthew Petersen stepping down the FEC is effectively shutdown, leaving no one to enforce campaign finance law. Congress is now debating whether to approve $35 in funding to post a job on Craigslist … Continue reading Congress divided between total FEC shutdown or posting a job on Craigslist
The most sought after jobs for Gen Z college grads are not what you’d think
Retired Naval Officer tops the list of most desired professions for new college graduates. Did your job make the cut? 10. Software Engineer 9. Small Woodland Creature 8. Cadaver Marionette 7. Average-sized Woodland Creature 6. Betty White’s Stunt Double 5. … Continue reading The most sought after jobs for Gen Z college grads are not what you’d think
Meet the Worst Backseat Driver Ever: A Man Who Only Speaks in Idioms
“I’m going to open his door and push him into oncoming traffic tomorrow. [Expletive] this guy.” Continue reading Meet the Worst Backseat Driver Ever: A Man Who Only Speaks in Idioms