A source from the White House confirmed today that the staff is making desperate attempts to get president Trump to take the COVID-19 pandemic seriously. Just this morning White House aides grabbed a marker and a piece of paper and … Continue reading Staffers Add Dollar Sign, Comma & Three Zeroes to Death Toll in Attempt to Get Trump to Take Virus Seriously
The White House announced today that a new scaly friend – Nagini the presidential python – would now be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. President Trump, who is openly averse to dogs, surprised the country with his pet choice. “Nagini … Continue reading First Family Welcomes Nagini the Presidential Python to the White House
Black Americans across the country are seriously considering risking their lives by staging an open carry rally outside of the White House. While still in the early planning stages, the group says they would hold the gathering in order to … Continue reading Black Americans are considering trying an open carry rally – just once – to get a gun control bill passed
Vice President Mike Pence had president Trump revoke the pardons for two male turkeys that were set free yesterday after learning they’d stayed together in a room at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel the previous night. The reversal marks the … Continue reading Mike Pence revokes pardons after learning two male turkeys overnighted at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel
“As the AX-570 android referred to as “Barron” appeared to grow in its capacity to feel, perceive, and experience subjectivity, the android’s aggression toward president Trump grew exponentially.” Continue reading AX-570 android “Barron Trump” returned to a Japanese factory after malfunction causes it to attack
The entire White House staff is being tested and many are being treated for syphilis. Experts are saying that the diagnosis makes sense as all the symptoms are present. “Syphilis-induced mental illness would explain the administration’s inability to make intelligent … Continue reading Most of the White House staff is being treated for syphilis
We’ve all seen the president sniffling and rubbing his nose, but we now know his drug-of-choice was actually marker huffing, not cocaine. Yesterday, after Trump held up an inaccurate, Sharpie-altered map of Hurricane Dorian’s trajectory, countless Sharpie memes mocking the … Continue reading Trump frantically seeks new high after ordering all Sharpies be removed from the White House
“Donald J. Trump is up for Best Performance in a Comedy Series that lasts for one term or less.” Continue reading Trump White House Nominated for Multiple Emmys, Including Best Limited Series
“The swirling rumors say that Melania refused to return to the White House for two weeks.” Continue reading Melania Trump Was Accidentally Deported
“It’s not uncommon for the President to fart himself awake. Then, when he can’t fall back asleep, Mr. Trump passes the time on Twitter.” Continue reading Mueller Report Says President Trump has a Severe Flatulence Problem
Biden was leering at the frail, 85 year old Senator Dianne Feinstein when he uttered the phrase. Continue reading Joe Biden Caught on Tape Saying “Punch Her in the Taco”
“Jim just got front row seats to Broadway’s shit musical ‘Adolph Twitler: The Fuckface von Clownstick Story’ Continue reading Remorseful Jim Acosta ‘What the Fuck Have I Done!?’
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons. Continue reading Gigantic Gold-Plated Package Left on White House Lawn
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would… Continue reading President Trump Has Strangled a Bear Cub to Death on the North Lawn
“Mitch insists on having mayonnaise in every single meal he eats.” Continue reading Mitch McConnell is Obsessed with Mayonnaise and It’s Disgusting
On Thursday night, Vice President Mike Pence walked up to Donald Trump just outside of the White House Kitchen and “straight up dropped the motherfucker” with … Continue reading Mike Pence Has Totally Snapped
