The Kentucky Derby winning horse Medina Spirit, who passed away in December, has had his title stripped as the 2021 winner after illegal substances were found in the his bloodstream. In addition to this, trainer Bob Baffert has been suspended … Continue reading Now-Dead Horse ‘Medina Spirit’ Found Guilty Of Doping & Stripped Of Kentucky Derby Win
New York City Mayor Eric Adams told reporters today that the city will be allocating hundreds of millions of dollars to install retractable spikes on subway seats in order to get the homeless to leave the system and go out … Continue reading NYC To Spend Millions Installing Retractable Spikes On Subway Seats To ‘Poke The Homeless Away At Night’
Frequent traveler and businessman Kenneth Hildman of Dallas, Texas says he is close to having a complete breakdown while he waits in line at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport security. Despite never committing a crime in his life, Hildman thinks that … Continue reading Man At Airport Security Has Sudden, Unfounded Fear That He May Have Hid Drugs Up His Butt
President Biden was asked by reporters today what he plans to do about studies saying that ocean levels are going to rise as much as they normally would in 100 years in just 30 years. “We gotta stop it. Period!” … Continue reading Biden: Rising Sea Levels Could Be Prevented If We Stop Dumping Viagra In The Oceans
Recent reports claim that billionaire Elon Musk’s company Neuralink may have killed up to 15 test monkeys by implanting computer chips into their brains. Now, researchers and Musk are saying that the remaining monkeys are clearly plotting revenge. “Every single … Continue reading Elon Musk’s Test Monkeys That Didn’t Die From Brain Implant Clearly Plotting Revenge
The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) posted a tweet today telling American citizens to call a tip line to report any of their exes who buy or sell guns illegally. Part of the ATF’s tweet read, “Valentine’s … Continue reading ATF Valentine’s Tweet Tells Citizens To Report Their Exes If They Buy Or Sell Guns Illegally
Pope Francis gave a Valentine’s Day sermon at St. Peter’s Basilica today in which he asked couples to welcome single people – especially strangers – into their bedroom. The surprising suggestion has many asking if the religious leader is doing … Continue reading Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Ménage à Trois on Valentine’s Day
Authorities have determined that the Starlink satellite that fell directly onto a Tesla in Riverside, California last week was not the actual cause of death for the driver. “After investigation it is clear that the sole passenger was already dead … Continue reading Tesla Driver Hit By Falling Starlink Satellite Was Already Dead From Faulty Neuralink Implant & Car Exploding, Authorities Say
California governor Gavin Newsom announced today that the state is considering passing an emergency law that can give complete immunity to drivers who strike and injure protesters with their cars on public streets. The move comes a day before a … Continue reading California Might Decriminalize Running Over Protesters Ahead Of Super Bowl
President Joe Biden has declared ‘Super Bowl Monday’ – the day after the big football game – a new national holiday. The decision was made when Biden read an article about the huge losses that companies already incur on that … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday
A Frontier and Spirit Airline merger fell through just hours after being announced this morning when both companies realized that the other had slipped in hundreds of millions of dollars in hidden ‘merger fees’. “It was a wonderful idea to … Continue reading Frontier-Spirit Merger Cancelled After Airlines Try To Charge Each Other Millions In Hidden Fees
Joe Rogan took a very brief break from spreading coronavirus disinformation on his podcast yesterday in order hold a 5-minute “segment on free speech” just so he could say the n-word for his 25th time on air. “I practice a … Continue reading Joe Rogan Uses ‘Free Speech’ Segment To Celebrate Saying The ‘N-Word’ For His 25th Time On Air
Numbers released today by the American Yachting Association reveal that a record amount of ‘superyachts’ were sold last year in the United States. Economists and the super rich alike say this is a sign that the American poor and middle … Continue reading Jeff Bezos: Record Number Of ‘Superyachts’ Sold Last Year Shows America’s Poor & Middle Class Still Know Their Fucking Place
Upon hearing that Joe Biden called Fox News journalist Peter Doocy a “stupid son of a bitch,” former president Donald Trump gave a public statement rebuking Biden. “We’ve got sleepy, creepy Joe being so rude, so unfair, so unpresidential,” Trump … Continue reading Trump: ‘I Would Never Attack A Single Disgusting, Dishonest, Low-Rated, Enemy Of The People, Fake News Journalist!’
A restraining order was handed down to NASA on Tuesday after one of their spacecrafts was seen lurking near the Sun before it penetrated the massive ball of fire; touching it right on the atmosphere. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere
Scientists across the globe are now starting to admit that there is a perk for those of us who are wisely choosing not to get vaccinated against Covid: We’re 11 times more likely to meet God sooner than all of … Continue reading Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You
The huge Christmas tree outside of a Fox New’s NYC headquarters was set on fire Wednesday just after midnight by a man who was immediately taken into custody. The flames then engulfed the smaller trees in the decorative display. Here’s … Continue reading If Fox News Had Raked The Ground By Their Christmas Tree, It Wouldn’t Have Burned Down
