President Trump is refusing to recall nearly 37 million bananas after discovering that genetically modified seeds had retained penile DNA as the result of a laboratory incident involving lewd acts between Trump’s Head of the FDA, Martin Makary, and a … Continue reading Trump Refuses to Recall 37 Million Bananas Containing Head of FDA’s Penis DNA
Airplane manufacturing giant Boeing stunned travelers and the entire airline industry today when they announced a massive recall on all of their 747 Jumbo Jets. The move comes just weeks after employees came across an abandoned warehouse full of – … Continue reading Boeing Issues Massive Recall On All 747 Jumbo Jets After Finding Omitted, 748th Part In Abandoned Warehouse
Samsung threatened to file a lawsuit against Elon Musk today after the billionaire had an exchange with a video podcaster on Twitter about the possibility of Musk making a new smartphone. Samsung released a brief press release about the issue, … Continue reading Samsung Threatens To Sue Elon Musk Over Tesla Phone: ‘We Hold The Patent For Phones That Explode’
After purposely filling countless Cheese Nips boxes with shards of glass and plastic to test a theory that nobody actually eats them, parent company Mondelēz Global has now recalled the product from store shelves. “We wanted to see what happened … Continue reading Cheese Nips recalled because nobody fucking eats them
“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.” Continue reading Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay
Mass graves are filling up outside of the Ford Truck Plant in Dearborn, MI. Continue reading Heartbroken Ford Owners Euthanize 874,000 Shitty Pickup Trucks
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump Continue reading Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
Banana sales have increased by 27% in the United States. Continue reading Dole Recalls 27 Million Bananas for Having Penis DNA
