Facebook will make a controversial decision tomorrow: Will they reinstate former president Donald J. Trump, or permanently ban him from their platform? The social media giant initially banned Trump in January after he personally sparked a riot at the US … Continue reading Facebook Will Rule On Reinstatement Of Trump Tomorrow. Here’s How They’ll Decide
Hundreds of pigeons bearing handwritten messages from Donald Trump were released from the White House today after Trump was banned from Twitter and nearly every other social media site. The president – who was annoyed by the birds flying around … Continue reading Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons
President Trump put out a statement today in which he said he would be banning all dating apps with an executive order in the coming week. The move comes after experts found that random sexual encounters were fueling the pandemic. … Continue reading Trump to Ban Dating Apps as Fauci Calls For ‘Slut Shaming’ to Curb Pandemic
Advertised as the answer to free speech suppression on social media, Parler has outpaced every other two-star rated app designed for people who want to share racist, sexist, and homophobic content without repercussions. Parler, which exists as a rejection of … Continue reading Parler App Quickly Becomes #1 Racist Content Repository
A handful of NASCAR drivers led by Ray Ciccarelli have announced that they plan to start a new stock car racing league. Ciccarelli says the move is a direct rebuke of NASCAR’s ban on the Confederate flag from all official … Continue reading Drivers Start New Racing Association After NASCAR’s Confederate Flag Ban
Lines, foot traffic, parking, and people have now become reasonable at Costco locations across the country thanks to a nationwide boycott of the chain by idiots who refuse to follow the store’s mask-wearing requirement. Costco says the boycott has ‘undoubtedly … Continue reading Costco: ‘Mask Boycott Has Undoubtedly Improved the Quality of Our Clientele’
If you have an upcoming Delta flight you had better get your Gas-X ready. The airline says it will now ban passengers from their planes if they ruin a flight with persistent farting. The move comes just one week after … Continue reading Passengers Flying Delta Can Now Be Banned For Chronic Flatulence
Black Americans across the country are seriously considering risking their lives by staging an open carry rally outside of the White House. While still in the early planning stages, the group says they would hold the gathering in order to … Continue reading Black Americans are considering trying an open carry rally – just once – to get a gun control bill passed
Sucking on flavored condoms has made Mike Pence ill and killed at least six people after they choked on the prophylactics. In response, Congress is readying a ban on the tasty dick wrappers amid an unparalleled outbreak of safe oral … Continue reading Congress will ban flavored condom sales as blowjob epidemic grows
The state of Michigan passed sweeping legislation today banning the sale of flavored alcohol and vape products. The state claims that the flavors encourage smoking and drinking among minors. “There’s growing evidence that flavored products could have negative health impacts,” … Continue reading Michigan bans flavored alcohol and vape products as concerns over addiction in children grow
“The children’s entertainment and pizza chain explicitly stated that Vice President Mike Pence will not be allowed inside after his furry tail butt plug incident months back.” Continue reading Mike Pence, Other Furries Banned From All Chuck E. Cheese’s
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant Continue reading Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009
Deliberately drawing zigzagging lines around all the white people will no longer be an option. Continue reading Republicans Blame Parkinson’s For Racial Gerrymandering After Ban By Supreme Court
We can’t have Canada smelling like burnt, used condoms anymore,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated. Continue reading Canada Will Ban All Single-Use Condoms by 2021
The option will let baby boomers and the remainder of the silent generation enjoy the company of others. Continue reading ‘Uber Old’ Will Let Elderly Passengers Ride Along, Tell Stories
“It’s sheer chaos,” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo stated. “Our pussies have gone mad with power.” Continue reading New York’s Streets Run Red With Blood After State Bans Cat Declawing
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.” Continue reading Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor
