“First and foremost, we must blow up the nukes to make sure that no one gets their hands on them.” – President Trump
“Holy hell! C’mon people. Do I need to spell it out for you!?” – Robert Mueller
“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.”
The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear.
“It’s not uncommon for the President to fart himself awake. Then, when he can’t fall back asleep, Mr. Trump passes the time on Twitter.”
Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’
Nigerian fans brought 2,500 colorfully-painted, live chickens into Russia’s Kaliningrad Stadium.