“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated.
“The only sexual contact permitted in China for the foreseeable future will be homosexual in nature,” President Jinping stated while intertwining his fingers with NBA star Yao Ming.
“Most of the leathery, ball-related action on the field actually takes place in the players’ jockstraps,” Commissioner Rob Manfred stated.
“This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.”
A poll of 565 men has found that 82% did not believe mutual masturbation to be a homosexual act, with respondents expressing a sentiment that touching cock isn’t gay, but lips touching lips is gay – meaning that emotional intimacy is their real issue – not the dick. What do you think? Joshua O’brien: “If this is true, then not only was I snubbed on an invite to Tim’s bachelor party last week, but I probably missed an opportunity to bond with the bros over a sweet circle jerk. No..no homo.” Rosalie Pruitt: “So you’re saying the next time I see a group of hot guy friends at a bar, it’s not even remotely unrealistic later when I fantasize about them getting it on? There is a God.” Logan Allen: “I don’t know why other straight dudes want to complicate their close, disappointingly platonic relationships with their homeboys when there’s at least two perfectly good gay bathhouses in the Denver area.” Return Home Take me to the MEMES! Source
“It’s not like we’re asking them to carry our purses up there – although that would be ideal and hopefully it leads to that.”
Female researches have remained cold and distant, uninterested in helping to solve this growing problem.