Kellogg’s has made a bold move in rebranding one of their beloved cereal mascots, Tony the Tiger, as Tanya. Yes, you heard that right, Tony has undergone a gender transformation, and the breakfast world will never be the same!
Gone are the days of Tony’s deep, macho voice exclaiming, “They’re Grrreat!” Now Tanya will greet us with a more refined, “They’re Gaaaay!”
“We’ve got a cereal-sipping feline who enjoys poetry and art,” said Kellogg’s CEO Steve Cahillane, “We want to make it clear that anyone can love what we are now calling Transflakes – which will come with a mini mirror inside each box with self-affirmation quotes lining the frame!”
Opponents to Kellogg’s decision have already started boycotting the company by purchasing all of the new cereal boxes featuring Tanya from the shelves and then burning them. Others have also taken to purchasing the remaining boxes featuring Tony, buying funeral plots, and hosting tear-filled ceremonies as a way to say goodbye.
In yet another move of defiance and rebellion, right-wing commentator Matt Walsh announced on his podcast that he will be launching his own sugary cereal called “Cissy-O’s.”
“The so-called ‘cisgender’ Americans have had enough with this woke garbage,” Walsh said on his podcast. “So I’ve got just the cereal for breakfast warriors who prefer to eat their morning meal without any confusion. Cissy-O’s are for strong people who are secure in their breakfast choices.”
Nonetheless, Kellogg’s says Tanya the Tiger is here to stay, and that they hope she’ll inspire a new generation to believe that they can truly be themselves.