Brazil soccer enthusiast Pedro Silva says his Tinder profile was banned today after the dating app announced it would no longer allow soccer fans to have an account. Experts say that Silva is among the more than 3.4 billion people … Continue reading Tinder Bans All Soccer Fans For Seeking Slow, Boring Relationships With Little To No Scoring
Reports are pouring in that University of Michigan football players are almost exclusively having unprotected sex ever since head coach Jim Harbaugh announced that he would gladly raise any of their unwanted babies. According to some players, Harbaugh was absolutely … Continue reading Spike In Michigan Football Players Having Unprotected Sex & STDs After Coach Says He’ll Raise Any Unwanted Babies
Aaron Rodgers has become the highest-paid NFL player ever after signing a 4-year, $200 million deal with the Green Bay Packers, but the 38-year-old quarterback is now telling the press that the team will have to pay him more if … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers Says $200 Million Deal Only Covers Regular Season: ‘Pay Me More For Playoff Wins’
The vast majority of Cincinnati Bengals fans are convinced that the NFL rigged yesterday’s Super Bowl – allowing the Los Angeles Rams to win the game in the final minutes. Angry fans are pointing to inconsistencies in penalties both called, … Continue reading Bengals: ‘We Scored Due To A Missed Face Mask Penalty So Why Can’t We Also Foul The Rams On Defense!?’
President Joe Biden has declared ‘Super Bowl Monday’ – the day after the big football game – a new national holiday. The decision was made when Biden read an article about the huge losses that companies already incur on that … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday
25% of Americans believe that God will determine the Super Bowl winner. Additionally, almost 50% believe that God rewards the more devout athletes. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading 25% Of Americans Believe God Decides The Winner Of The Super Bowl
The NFL announced today that starting next weekend the league will be using plant-based, vegan footballs. The historic change comes after Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady held a press conference in which he spent over an hour telling reporters why he’s … Continue reading NFL Will Use ‘Animal-Free’ Footballs Now That Tom Brady Is Going Vegan
Washington State football head coach Nick Rolovich has been fired from his role after refusing to comply with a mandate requiring state educational employees to get the COVID vaccine by October 18th. Rolovich and four other coaches will all be … Continue reading Fired Anti-vaxx Football Coach Will Now ‘Stand Up For Himself’ In The Unemployment Line
Disgruntled Green Bay Packer’s quarterback Aaron Rodgers announced today that he plans to continue playing with the team despite major differences. Rodgers says he’s made this decision in order to ensure that he never faces the wrath of the Madden … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers Says He’s ‘Avoiding The Madden Curse’ By Continuing To Play For Green Bay Packers
The NFL made the astonishing announcement today that they have deflated 72 footballs to Tom Brady’s ideal pounds per square inch (psi) in preparation for the Super Bowl. Unsurprisingly the revelation has left many in the league both baffled and … Continue reading 72 Footballs Deflated To Tom Brady’s Ideal PSI In Preparation For Super Bowl
Citing the fact that the New York Jets are incapable of catching anything, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that the 0-11 team is now exempt from the league’s COVID rules. “Since they clearly couldn’t catch anything to save their … Continue reading Unable to Catch Anything, NY Jets Now Exempt From NFL’s COVID Rules
The Denver Broncos are in a rough spot today as all four of their quarterbacks were exposed to the coronavirus and must sit out of today’s game. Contact tracing is now leading the Broncos to believe that it was their … Continue reading Broncos Remove Open-Mouth Kissing From Practice After All 4 QBs Get COVID
Louisiana Governor John Bel Edwards was strong-armed into beginning Phase 3 of reopening today despite COVID-19 cases in his state being on the rise. Edwards says the move is “not ideal, but necessary” due to the fact that citizens said … Continue reading Louisiana to Bring Back Football, Warns of 100% Death Rate to Those Who Stand In the Way
Well, it’s not what anyone expected, but it’s something. The Washington Redskins have announced that they will be keeping their original name, but changing their mascot to a red potato. “You’ll notice that the red potato has a red colored … Continue reading Washington Redskins Keep Their Original Name & Change Mascot to a Red Potato
UCLA has fired head coach Chip Kelly and replaced him with the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, Dr. Anthony Fauci. The schools says the decision comes after realizing that they can’t win if the whole … Continue reading UCLA Football Fires Chip Kelly, Hires Dr. Anthony Fauci as Head Coach
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished removing air from all 1,340 of their practice footballs today after officially securing star quarterback Tom Brady for the next two years. “We’ve got that balls deflated down to 91% capacity, just like Tom Likes … Continue reading Buccaneers Finish Deflating Footballs in Preparation for Tom Brady’s Arrival
