Category: Healthcare
A spike in birth control costs is hampering women’s ability to buy mom jeans
An industry-wide spike in the price of birth control has bumped the average monthly cost from $47 up to $125, forcing many women to have to choose between a pill that prevents pregnancy and a hideous article of clothing that … Continue reading A spike in birth control costs is hampering women’s ability to buy mom jeans
500 Planned Parenthood-Pizza Hut Express® chains are opening across the US
After announcing a new partnership with Planned Parenthood, PepsiCo. is temporarily closing over 500 Taco Bell – Pizza Hut Express® restaurants to renovate the establishments into Planned Parenthood – Pizza Hut Express® reproductive health and pizza chains. “We’ll be offering … Continue reading 500 Planned Parenthood-Pizza Hut Express® chains are opening across the US
Surgeons Will No Longer Be Required To Take Naps Halfway Through Operations
Now it’s possible to avoid having to pay a doctor for their time spent curled up on the operating table next to your barely-clothed, unconscious body. Continue reading Surgeons Will No Longer Be Required To Take Naps Halfway Through Operations
U.S. Stops Development of Genetically-Modified, Cybernetic Babies
An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs. Continue reading U.S. Stops Development of Genetically-Modified, Cybernetic Babies
Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.” Continue reading Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor
Radical Religious Group “Y’all-Qaeda” Bans Abortion in Alabama
Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].
Continue reading Radical Religious Group “Y’all-Qaeda” Bans Abortion in Alabama
Most of Denver’s Population is in It’s 30th Hour of Tripping Balls Since Mushrooms Were Decriminalized
Due to the lack of legal consequences, throngs of hallucinating residents have congregated downtown at the 16th Street Mall to touch each other’s faces. Continue reading Most of Denver’s Population is in It’s 30th Hour of Tripping Balls Since Mushrooms Were Decriminalized
Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails
“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.” Continue reading Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails
US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’
“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated. Continue reading US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’
Yale Study Says Farting Burns More Calories Than Working Out
“If friendship and odors don’t matter to you, then you could really get in great shape.” Continue reading Yale Study Says Farting Burns More Calories Than Working Out
Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally
“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.” Continue reading Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally
McDonald’s is Giving Away Red Heart Disease Awareness T-Shirts With Purchase of Grand Big Mac Meal
The 1,750 calorie meal has made its return for the month of February only. Continue reading McDonald’s is Giving Away Red Heart Disease Awareness T-Shirts With Purchase of Grand Big Mac Meal
Louisiana Governor Proposes 24-Hour Paid Maternity Leave
“We’re giving new mothers 24 hours off, 8 of which will be paid. That leaves plenty of time for doing Kegels.” Continue reading Louisiana Governor Proposes 24-Hour Paid Maternity Leave
FDA Approves iPhone Birth Control App
“It will sound like an airplane is taking off inside of the user’s vagina,” iBort creator Justin Swartzky stated. Continue reading FDA Approves iPhone Birth Control App
Viagra Ends Trump Sponsorship Deal
“The president had been taking Viagra six times a day – one pill with every meal.” – Rudy Giuliani Continue reading Viagra Ends Trump Sponsorship Deal
US Health & Human Services Encourages Bulimia Over Anorexia
“If you are going to pick one, pick bulimia. That’s all we’re saying here.” Continue reading US Health & Human Services Encourages Bulimia Over Anorexia
Pfizer Releases Pills that Slowly Deduct Money from Your Bank Account
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference. Continue reading Pfizer Releases Pills that Slowly Deduct Money from Your Bank Account