Yes, There’s a Parallel Universe Where You Aren’t a Total Piece of Shit

YouReadyGrandma

“You can rest assured that somewhere, in an existing but undetectable universe, another version of you is out there having a meaningful, fulfilling life.”

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‘Uber Old’ Will Let Elderly Passengers Ride Along, Tell Stories

YouReadyGrandma

The option will let baby boomers and the remainder of the silent generation enjoy the company of others.

New York’s Streets Run Red With Blood After State Bans Cat Declawing

YouReadyGrandma

“It’s sheer chaos,” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo stated. “Our pussies have gone mad with power.”

23andMe Discovers Gary Busey & Boris Johnson Are Trump’s Brothers

YouReadyGrandma

“Genetically-speaking the lineage has certain characteristics that really stand out; such as having categorically unpleasant hair and personalities.” – 23andMe CEO Anne Wojcicki

Robert Mueller Announces Presidential Bid to Take Down Trump

YouReadyGrandma

“I’m running because I have a very particular set of skills,” the 7-foot tall former FBI Director bellowed. “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, Mr. Trump.”

Apple Releases iPhone Rotary with Real Crank-Dialing and Switchboard Operators

YouReadyGrandma

“Apple fans will buy it because they are, without a doubt, the biggest consumer whores on the planet,” CEO Tim Cook stated.

Scientists End Debate: ‘Pineapple Belongs on Pizza if You Enjoy Pineapple on Pizza, You Shitheads’

YouReadyGrandma

“Science has confirmed that you all can shut the [expletive] up about it.”

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