Scientists at the University of Texas at Austin have discovered that bathing in the blood of your enemies can help insomniacs and worriers to get a good night’s sleep.

“Many American’s, young and old alike, deal with a lot of stress in the modern world,” head researcher Bryan Higgins stated. “By simply filling your tub with 80 gallons of arterial blood and climbing in, most people will find an inner peace that allows them to get some sleep at night.”

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