Tag: Politics
Useless Man Who Tells Everyone Voting is Pointless Spends Hours Debating Politics Online
Standing by the claim that “it’s all a huge, pointless waste of time to vote,” 31-year-old David Braun of Topeka, Kansas has been spending countless hours of his life debating politics with strangers online. “I can’t believe that people are … Continue reading Useless Man Who Tells Everyone Voting is Pointless Spends Hours Debating Politics Online
White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science
White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany shocked the press today when she accidentally acknowledged that science does in fact exist, but that it shouldn’t impact the decisions the nation makes during the pandemic. “A little thing called ‘science’ should not … Continue reading White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science
Death Row Inmate Kicked Out of Prison For Refusing to Wear a Mask
57-year-old death row inmate and serial killer Kyle Perklans was forcibly removed from the Louisiana State Penitentiary today after refusing to follow the institution’s mask guidelines. Perklans, who was scheduled to die from lethal injection on Saturday night, is now … Continue reading Death Row Inmate Kicked Out of Prison For Refusing to Wear a Mask
Biden Doubles Down, Says ‘40% of Americans Are Rinky Dinky Chicken Shits’
Joe Biden issued a stunning correction today after claiming that “10 to 15% of Americans are not very good people.” Rather than try to smooth things over, Biden doubled down. “I am deeply sorry if I have offended anyone with … Continue reading Biden Doubles Down, Says ‘40% of Americans Are Rinky Dinky Chicken Shits’
Trump Strongly Considering Pardoning ‘Tiger King’ Joe Exotic
After binge watching all seven episodes of Tiger King yesterday on Netflix, president Trump has quickly become the biggest supporter of the imprisoned celebrity Joe Exotic, speaking out about the jailed man’s innocence. “Minus most of the gay stuff, we’re … Continue reading Trump Strongly Considering Pardoning ‘Tiger King’ Joe Exotic
Pete Buttigieg Gives Presidential Acceptance Speech After Learning He’s Polling Second in Nevada Primary
Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg took to the stage at his Genoa, Nevada rally today having just learned he was polling in second place for the state’s upcoming February 22nd primary. The jubilant Mayor of South Bend, Indiana then inexplicably launched … Continue reading Pete Buttigieg Gives Presidential Acceptance Speech After Learning He’s Polling Second in Nevada Primary
Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian
A Georgia judge appointed by President Obama has ruled that the state can print their 2020 ballots in Russian. The ruling also struck down the use of archaic voting machines. “Since our electronic voting system is atrociously outdated and incredibly … Continue reading Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian
Courageous Group is Taking Back the Swastika.
“I’m not sure why we’d give the swastika to one side over the other,” Trump stated. “If we’re trying to accept everyone, we need to start by including minority groups like the Klan in these discussions.” Continue reading Courageous Group is Taking Back the Swastika.
Mitch McConnell Admits to Being 1/8th Turtle
“In common public opinion, turtles are just cold-blooded, unthinking and unfeeling creatures,” University of Kentucky Herpetology professor Horace Bartjis stated. “So McConnell really chose the right profession.” Continue reading Mitch McConnell Admits to Being 1/8th Turtle
Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”
“The letter went on in vivid detail describing the painting process, preferred makeup brands, how to wash mascara out of your underwear, and more.” Continue reading Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”
Strict ‘No Farting’ Policy Enforced in White House
President Donald Trump used a morning staff meeting today to address leaks that have plagued his administration since day one. In an impassioned speech, the President touched on many topics – concluding with the implementation of a strict ‘No Farting’ … Continue reading Strict ‘No Farting’ Policy Enforced in White House
A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter
“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin. Continue reading A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter
Tragic Death Ends Trump Campaign
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a … Continue reading Tragic Death Ends Trump Campaign
The Case for Kasich: How He’ll Be The Nominee
With Senator Ted Cruz dropping out, John Kasich is the only hope for the Republican establishment. Here’s how he can still win… Continue reading The Case for Kasich: How He’ll Be The Nominee
Trump, Cruz Exchange Horrific Insults About Wives, Again
(New York, NY) It appears that the wife-bashing has returned to the Republican campaign for presidency with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz shooting a barrage of horrific insults back and forth. It all started with another tweet from Trump… Continue reading Trump, Cruz Exchange Horrific Insults About Wives, Again
Donald Trump Admits He’s Bisexual at Wisconsin Rally
Trump claims that he does drag shows from time to time and artists have rendered what they believe this might look. Continue reading Donald Trump Admits He’s Bisexual at Wisconsin Rally
6 More Ways America Leads The World
“America leads the world in pretty much everything awesome, there’s no need to even research that because everyone knows it. Fact. Period. Soaring eagles. End of story. But, did you know that…” Continue reading 6 More Ways America Leads The World