Tag: how many
Staffers Add Dollar Sign, Comma & Three Zeroes to Death Toll in Attempt to Get Trump to Take Virus Seriously
A source from the White House confirmed today that the staff is making desperate attempts to get president Trump to take the COVID-19 pandemic seriously. Just this morning White House aides grabbed a marker and a piece of paper and … Continue reading Staffers Add Dollar Sign, Comma & Three Zeroes to Death Toll in Attempt to Get Trump to Take Virus Seriously
Larry King goes ahead and divorces 8th, 9th and 10th wife in one day
On the same day that Larry King divorced his 7th wife, the new bachelor immediately signed the paperwork to marry and then divorce each of his three mistresses. King’s lawyer said that the TV host wanted “a fresh start and … Continue reading Larry King goes ahead and divorces 8th, 9th and 10th wife in one day
Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay
“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.” Continue reading Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay
Trump Opens Marketing Company Called ‘Trump Consultation by Trump’
“Watch for the return of Toys “R” Trump, chains of Trumpback Steakhouse, Trumpley-Donaldson motorcycles and Old Trumpy Buffet.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders Continue reading Trump Opens Marketing Company Called ‘Trump Consultation by Trump’
Nationwide Removal of All Confederate Statues Begins as Participation Trophies are Sent to Grieving Southerners
Trump is trying to rectify the situation by sending Civil War participation trophies to his seething supporters. Continue reading Nationwide Removal of All Confederate Statues Begins as Participation Trophies are Sent to Grieving Southerners
Heartbroken Ford Owners Euthanize 874,000 Shitty Pickup Trucks
Mass graves are filling up outside of the Ford Truck Plant in Dearborn, MI. Continue reading Heartbroken Ford Owners Euthanize 874,000 Shitty Pickup Trucks
Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump Continue reading Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
Scott Walker Begins Sobering Up to Qualify for Unemployment Assistance
Scott Walker will now have to flush his system of illegal substances in order to qualify for unemployment assistance.
Continue reading Scott Walker Begins Sobering Up to Qualify for Unemployment Assistance