Tag: Food
Zelensky Now Offering NATO Beer & Pizza If They’ll Help Clear Out Ukrainian Airspace
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is now offering NATO beer and pizza if they agree to come help clear out Russian planes from Ukrainian airspace. “It’s not much. Just a few little planes here and there. It shouldn’t take more than … Continue reading Zelensky Now Offering NATO Beer & Pizza If They’ll Help Clear Out Ukrainian Airspace
Little Caesars’ All-New ‘MaxiPizza’ To Be Released For Women’s History Month
Little Caesars announced today that in honor of Women’s History Month the pizza chain will be selling the all-new ‘MaxiPizza’ – which is simply a maxi pad-shaped pizza topped with pepperoni. Little Caesars CEO David Scrivano spoke briefly with reporters … Continue reading Little Caesars’ All-New ‘MaxiPizza’ To Be Released For Women’s History Month
Little Caesars: ‘We Improved The Crust, But The Rest Of The Pizza Is Still Absolute Trash’
Pizza chain Little Caesars announced today that they have completely overhauled the ingredients that they use to make their pizza crusts, but that they’ve done absolutely nothing to make the rest of the pizza more palatable. “We went ahead and … Continue reading Little Caesars: ‘We Improved The Crust, But The Rest Of The Pizza Is Still Absolute Trash’
Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time
Pope Francis gave a short speech today in which he expressed a deep concern over the fact that the image of Jesus has not appeared on any snacks or breakfast foods for a very, very long time. The Pope says … Continue reading Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time
Ben & Jerry’s To Release New Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ice Cream That’s Just Chocolate & Vanilla That Refuses To Mix
Known for dabbling in politics, ice cream company Ben & Jerry’s is set to release a new ‘Israeli-Palestinian Conflict’ flavor that’s just chocolate and vanilla that is impossible to mix together. “What you’re basically getting here is the choice to … Continue reading Ben & Jerry’s To Release New Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ice Cream That’s Just Chocolate & Vanilla That Refuses To Mix
App Lets Eco-Conscious Users Buy Leftovers Instead Of Just Giving Food To The Homeless
The anti-food waste company Too Good To Go sells food that’s left over, or won’t be sold, through their app. The food, which comes from restaurants, bakeries and grocery stores, is delivered as a surprise grab bag of food that … Continue reading App Lets Eco-Conscious Users Buy Leftovers Instead Of Just Giving Food To The Homeless
Stoned Sprinter Given ‘Unfair Advantage’ By Trainer Waiting With Big Bag Of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos At Finish Line
The International Olympic Committee banned US sprinter Sha’Carri Richardson from participating in events this year after she tested positive for THC. When issuing their decision, the committee said that the drug would give Richardson an unfair advantage. “The last thing … Continue reading Stoned Sprinter Given ‘Unfair Advantage’ By Trainer Waiting With Big Bag Of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos At Finish Line
‘Our Tuna Is Definitely Not Shredded-Up People’ Suspicious, Overly-Specific Subway Statement Reads
Refusing to say exactly what’s in their tuna, Subway released an odd, rambling statement today in which the company attempted to reassure the public that their fishy product is not made from people. “The tuna is definitely not shredded-up people,” … Continue reading ‘Our Tuna Is Definitely Not Shredded-Up People’ Suspicious, Overly-Specific Subway Statement Reads
Food Network Signs $80 Million Contract With Guy Fieri For 3-Years, Or Until Death By Heart Attack
The Food Network announced today that they have come to an agreement with Guy Fieri on a new contract after a two week long discussion and multiple doctor’s visits to check up on Fieri’s health. Because of test results, the … Continue reading Food Network Signs $80 Million Contract With Guy Fieri For 3-Years, Or Until Death By Heart Attack
Beyond Meat Endorsed By Fellow Pile Of Fake Meat
Kim Kardashian is now officially a sponsor for the plant-based meat company Beyond Meat in the first ever example of one giant pile of fake meat supporting another. Original photo credit for Beyond Meat Marco Verch, Kim Kardashian David Shankbone. Continue reading Beyond Meat Endorsed By Fellow Pile Of Fake Meat
Entire Venezuelan Economy Riding On Handful Of GameStop Shares
Disputed leader of Venezuela Nicolás Maduro revealed today that the entire Venezuelan economy was “currently riding on a handful of Gamestop shares” as the corrupt authoritarian admitted that he threw all of the country’s remaining money into the stock market. … Continue reading Entire Venezuelan Economy Riding On Handful Of GameStop Shares
Hot COVID Trends: Taking Pictures of Scraps of Food On a Wooden Plank
An all-new epidemic has hit social media during COVID-19 and it’s dumber, yet somehow more complicated than baking and eating an entire loaf of sourdough bread. Presenting the charcuterie board! Charcuterie boards are glorified Lunchables for adults. They’re stupid planks … Continue reading Hot COVID Trends: Taking Pictures of Scraps of Food On a Wooden Plank
McDonald’s Announces the All-New McKaren Sandwich
It’s here! McDonald’s has announced their all-new McKaren sandwich. The fast food chain says the new food option is guaranteed to be ready in 30 seconds or less, in store, or it’s free. “As a tribute to all Karens, the … Continue reading McDonald’s Announces the All-New McKaren Sandwich
Costco: ‘Mask Boycott Has Undoubtedly Improved the Quality of Our Clientele’
Lines, foot traffic, parking, and people have now become reasonable at Costco locations across the country thanks to a nationwide boycott of the chain by idiots who refuse to follow the store’s mask-wearing requirement. Costco says the boycott has ‘undoubtedly … Continue reading Costco: ‘Mask Boycott Has Undoubtedly Improved the Quality of Our Clientele’
Council of Susans & Karens Demands Meeting With Heads of Norton, McAfee
Livid with the inadequate response to the coronavirus, the Council of Susans & Karens – a highly organized group of unreasonably entitled and incomparably misguided people – began demanding to speak with the CEOs of the Norton and McAfee antivirus … Continue reading Council of Susans & Karens Demands Meeting With Heads of Norton, McAfee
USA Today hails eating ass as better than In-N-Out Burger
USA Today has gone ahead and finally settled the long debate over what tastes better: eating ass or gagging on an In-N-Out burger. Using over 100 volunteers, the newspaper had participants blindfolded before being told to stick their tongues out. … Continue reading USA Today hails eating ass as better than In-N-Out Burger
Cheese Nips recalled because nobody fucking eats them
After purposely filling countless Cheese Nips boxes with shards of glass and plastic to test a theory that nobody actually eats them, parent company Mondelēz Global has now recalled the product from store shelves. “We wanted to see what happened … Continue reading Cheese Nips recalled because nobody fucking eats them