Livid with the inadequate response to the coronavirus, the Council of Susans & Karens – a highly organized group of unreasonably entitled and incomparably misguided people – began demanding to speak with the CEOs of the Norton and McAfee antivirus software companies this morning.

Within minutes of the request, both companies had agreed to a meeting with the group; on the condition that every Karen and Susan return their hoarded toilet paper, hand sanitizer, disinfecting wipes, and non-perishables that their husband Chad bought “so that everyone can get through the pandemic.”

As of press time, an angry mob of non-compliant Susans and Karens had already begun boarding flights to Norton and McAfee headquarters – leaving a trail of dead managers in their wake.