The company is set to increase revenue by a staggering 37% by simply having their most competent employees run the store once a week. Continue reading Chick-fil-A Announces It Will Open On Sundays, Be Run By Atheist Employees
“It’s Adam and Summer’s Eve, not Ben and Jerry; although, some Victoria’s Secret and Lane Bryant experimentation sounds intriguing,” Trump tweeted. Continue reading Supreme Court Rules “Corporations Can Also Be Gay People”
“In one of the 127 boxes customers will find a serial number,” Cook stated. “That is the number they will enter online; unlocking the ability to purchase the instruction manual for putting the device together.” Continue reading The New Apple Pro Display XDR Comes in 127 Parts, Each Sold Separately
“There’s no better way to seem interesting than with a story about the time you were held at gunpoint by the East Harlem crew for wearing the wrong color romper.” Continue reading New DespAir bnb Will Arrange Lodging for Hipsters in the Ghetto
According to their website, Mufflr is being funded by powerful lesbians Ellen Degeneres and Hillary Clinton. Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Becomes Spokeswoman for New Lesbian Dating App Mufflr
“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.” Continue reading Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails
Tostitos describes their new Extreme Mild Clear Salsa for White People® as being a thick, gelatinous substance for those with genetic spice sensitivities. Continue reading Tostitos Releases Extreme Mild Salsa For White People
“Someone from that festival will be having an unwanted child that babbles bullshit for years; so when that happens, I highly recommend they name it Kanye.” Continue reading Kanye West Was Selling Damaged Condoms at Coachella for $125
“Watch for the return of Toys “R” Trump, chains of Trumpback Steakhouse, Trumpley-Donaldson motorcycles and Old Trumpy Buffet.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders Continue reading Trump Opens Marketing Company Called ‘Trump Consultation by Trump’
With McDonald’s closing hundreds of locations across the United States, it now appears that the company is trying to re-use their already purchased ingredients at other franchises. What’s more, it is widely-believed that the initial closings of McDonald’s locations are … Continue reading McDonald’s Secretly Sends Closed Restaurants’ ‘Food’ to Other Companies They Own
“At first I thought she was kidding, because we like to have a good time at the store, but then I walked up to him and he gave me that same ‘what the hell are you staring at’ look that Debra had described.”
Philsmoore told reporters that he wasn’t even that mad until Wellington began to increase his volume.
“It was like he was mocking me. The old bastard wouldn’t quit.” Continue reading Man Kicked Out of Barnes & Noble for Reading Out Loud
