Zelensky Now Offering NATO Beer & Pizza If They’ll Help Clear Out Ukrainian Airspace

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is now offering NATO beer and pizza if they agree to come help clear out Russian planes from Ukrainian airspace. “It’s not much. Just a few little planes here and there. It shouldn’t take more than … Continue reading Zelensky Now Offering NATO Beer & Pizza If They’ll Help Clear Out Ukrainian Airspace

Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union

Most Republicans in Congress have decided against attending today’s State of the Union. The decision came after they realized that – due to the Russian ruble’s drop in value – they’re suddenly broke and unable to buy new clothes for … Continue reading Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union

Ukraine Trolls Putin’s Army By Airdropping Thousands Of White Flags & Directions For How To Surrender On Top Of Their Heads

Ukranian President Volodymyr Zelensky had thousands of white flags and directions on how to surrender airdropped on top of Russian troops today. Some people are calling the move psychological warfare, while others say it was simply a joke to raise … Continue reading Ukraine Trolls Putin’s Army By Airdropping Thousands Of White Flags & Directions For How To Surrender On Top Of Their Heads

Trump Says Mar-a-Lago Being Lit Up As The Russian Flag Last Night Was An ‘Accident’

People within view of Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort last night are saying that they saw the former president’s property light up in Russian flag colors for about 15 minutes. When reached for comment, Trump said it was all an honest … Continue reading Trump Says Mar-a-Lago Being Lit Up As The Russian Flag Last Night Was An ‘Accident’

Olympian Who Accidentally Took Grandmother’s Medication Sets World Record For Slowest Bobsled Run

Ukrainian bobsledder Hilda Lunko set the world record for slowest bobsled run in the Olympics this past week after she accidentally took her grandmother’s performance destabilizing drugs shortly before the race. Lunko, who was the first Ukrainian female bobsledder to … Continue reading Olympian Who Accidentally Took Grandmother’s Medication Sets World Record For Slowest Bobsled Run

Sarah Palin Advises Kamala Harris Against Being a ‘Total Fucking Moron,’ Says ‘That Was My Biggest Mistake’

Former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin offered advice to Kamala Harris today after she was selected to be Joe Biden’s running mate. Via an Instagram post, the former Alaska governor gave a few suggestions. “Congrats to the democrat VP pick. … Continue reading Sarah Palin Advises Kamala Harris Against Being a ‘Total Fucking Moron,’ Says ‘That Was My Biggest Mistake’

Trump Says Unbiased Third Party ‘Such as Russia’ Should Oversee 2020 Mail-In Ballots

President Trump told reporters today that he believed that mail-in voting for the 2020 election would result in the most inaccurate and fraudulent election in history. Trump added that he’d be “much more comfortable” having Russia oversee the mail-in ballots … Continue reading Trump Says Unbiased Third Party ‘Such as Russia’ Should Oversee 2020 Mail-In Ballots

Fuckery Nevada Voting App Will First Be Beta Tested During the Caucus

Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus

The Democratic Party will use yet another untested software in Nevada’s upcoming February 22nd caucus and many are concerned that the errors which surrounded deployment of the Iowa caucus app are being repeated once again. Countless caucus volunteers fear a … Continue reading Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus

Iowa Caucus App Fails After Too Many Russians Log In at the Same Time

The voting app used for last night’s Iowa Caucus crashed multiple times after thousands of Russian hackers attempted to log in to vote at the same time. Now, Russian president Vladimir Putin is crying foul – calling the results “tainted” … Continue reading Iowa Caucus App Fails After Too Many Russians Log In at the Same Time

Liberals glad trump was putins little bitch after hypersonic weapon announced

Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon

President Trump’s approval rating amongst the left jumped from 7.2% to 42.7% after Russian President Vladimir Putin announced a new, deadly, and unmatched hypersonic weapon yesterday. Democrats now admit that Trump’s submissive and subservient approach with Russia makes perfect sense. … Continue reading Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon

Boris Johnson offers to teach Trump how to be an abrasive prick and still win an election without foreign interference

While taking questions from the press outside of 10 Downing Street, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson shocked the crowd when he offered to teach Donald Trump how to win an election. “I’ll show Mr. Trump how it’s done without foreign … Continue reading Boris Johnson offers to teach Trump how to be an abrasive prick and still win an election without foreign interference

Completely unhinged, Rudy Giuliani strips naked on live TV during an incoherent rant

Hours after an incriminating interview with CNN’s Chris Cuomo, Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani came sprinting back on set shouting something about Ukraine; interrupting a live broadcast by anchor Brooke Baldwin. Fuming mad, Giuliani began flailing around and screeching before tearing … Continue reading Completely unhinged, Rudy Giuliani strips naked on live TV during an incoherent rant

Security concerns raised after newly divorced Sarah Palin can no longer see Russia from her house

President Trump has raised security concerns after Sarah Palin was divorced by longtime husband Todd yesterday. “Todd took the house with the prefect view of Russia, and I’m assuming Moscow, ” Trump stated. “Sarah was our first line of defense … Continue reading Security concerns raised after newly divorced Sarah Palin can no longer see Russia from her house

Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian

A Georgia judge appointed by President Obama has ruled that the state can print their 2020 ballots in Russian. The ruling also struck down the use of archaic voting machines. “Since our electronic voting system is atrociously outdated and incredibly … Continue reading Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian