Tag: eating
‘My Christmas Tree Eats Popcorn Garland When Nobody’s Looking’ Still Not Concerning Enough To Put Grandma In $9,000 A Month Nursing Home
After a brief group phone call with closest relatives, the Zelinski family of Oakridge, Illinois decided today that Grandma’s new suspicion that her Christmas tree is slowly eating popcorn garland when nobody’s looking is not concerning enough to justify spending … Continue reading ‘My Christmas Tree Eats Popcorn Garland When Nobody’s Looking’ Still Not Concerning Enough To Put Grandma In $9,000 A Month Nursing Home
Trump Violated The Presidential Records Act By Tearing Up & Eating Hundreds Of Official Documents
News broke today that former president Donald Trump may have violated the Presidential Records Act hundreds of times due to his incredibly odd habit of tearing up and eating official government documents. “Mr. Trump ate sensitive articles, letters, schedules, briefings, … Continue reading Trump Violated The Presidential Records Act By Tearing Up & Eating Hundreds Of Official Documents
Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time
Pope Francis gave a short speech today in which he expressed a deep concern over the fact that the image of Jesus has not appeared on any snacks or breakfast foods for a very, very long time. The Pope says … Continue reading Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time
App Lets Eco-Conscious Users Buy Leftovers Instead Of Just Giving Food To The Homeless
The anti-food waste company Too Good To Go sells food that’s left over, or won’t be sold, through their app. The food, which comes from restaurants, bakeries and grocery stores, is delivered as a surprise grab bag of food that … Continue reading App Lets Eco-Conscious Users Buy Leftovers Instead Of Just Giving Food To The Homeless
Food Network Signs $80 Million Contract With Guy Fieri For 3-Years, Or Until Death By Heart Attack
The Food Network announced today that they have come to an agreement with Guy Fieri on a new contract after a two week long discussion and multiple doctor’s visits to check up on Fieri’s health. Because of test results, the … Continue reading Food Network Signs $80 Million Contract With Guy Fieri For 3-Years, Or Until Death By Heart Attack
Bill Gates Says Everyone Must Eat Fake Meat By 2030 In New Book Titled ‘The Future Sucks: Why We Should Give Up Now’
Billionaire Bill Gates is set to release a depressing new book next week titled ‘The Future Sucks: Why We Should Give Up Now’. Gates, who is typically known for his cautious optimism, says there’s no hope for humanity anymore. “If … Continue reading Bill Gates Says Everyone Must Eat Fake Meat By 2030 In New Book Titled ‘The Future Sucks: Why We Should Give Up Now’
Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’
Having previously stated that he “might cry a lot” if he loses, the White House released a video today depicting Donald Trump gorging himself on KFC and McDonald’s while sobbing uncontrollably. The video, which was reportedly filmed in the past … Continue reading Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’
Hot COVID Trends: Taking Pictures of Scraps of Food On a Wooden Plank
An all-new epidemic has hit social media during COVID-19 and it’s dumber, yet somehow more complicated than baking and eating an entire loaf of sourdough bread. Presenting the charcuterie board! Charcuterie boards are glorified Lunchables for adults. They’re stupid planks … Continue reading Hot COVID Trends: Taking Pictures of Scraps of Food On a Wooden Plank
Woman Eating 4th Helping of Glue No Longer Just Trying to Satisfy a Curiosity
Henderson, NV – Local woman Jasmine Parker acquired a taste for glue today after exploring a longtime curiosity. Parker says she’d been wondering what glue tastes like ever since she saw other kids eating the gooey substance back when she … Continue reading Woman Eating 4th Helping of Glue No Longer Just Trying to Satisfy a Curiosity
Are Masks Safe?: Choking Deaths Quadruple as Americans Forget to Remove Masks Before Eating
Over 22,400 Americans have choked to death in 2020 – more than four times the yearly average. Experts say the cause is an uptick in less intelligent Americans finally agreeing to wear masks and then forgetting to remove them before … Continue reading Are Masks Safe?: Choking Deaths Quadruple as Americans Forget to Remove Masks Before Eating
Could Something in Your Pantry Kill You? This Man Will Find Out Tonight by Eating Everything in There!
It’s true that we’re surrounded every day by items and objects that could kill us, but are there things lurking in your pantry that could also kill you? Yes. The answer is yes. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON’T … Continue reading Could Something in Your Pantry Kill You? This Man Will Find Out Tonight by Eating Everything in There!
Cheese Nips recalled because nobody fucking eats them
After purposely filling countless Cheese Nips boxes with shards of glass and plastic to test a theory that nobody actually eats them, parent company Mondelēz Global has now recalled the product from store shelves. “We wanted to see what happened … Continue reading Cheese Nips recalled because nobody fucking eats them
USDA adds ‘Ass’ to MyPlate nutritional guide in misguided effort to relate to today’s youth
The USDA is defending itself after adding ‘Ass’ to the MyPlate nutritional guide in an effort grab attention, look cool and fit in with current youth culture. One promotional poster that was sent to schools recommends eating ass twice daily. … Continue reading USDA adds ‘Ass’ to MyPlate nutritional guide in misguided effort to relate to today’s youth
More and more Americans are eating their maxed-out credit cards
Scientists at the World Health Organization who normally study microplastics have shifted their research to larger macroplastics after millions of Americans have admitted to eating their credit cards. “We cannot stress this enough,” head researcher Franz Blankenmann stated, “eating your … Continue reading More and more Americans are eating their maxed-out credit cards
Poll: Majority of Americans would rather pee on Donald Trump than cook a healthy meal
A new poll on obesity by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, shows sixty-three percent of Americans would rather pee on Donald Trump every night for the rest of their lives than cook a healthy meal. “Most people said … Continue reading Poll: Majority of Americans would rather pee on Donald Trump than cook a healthy meal
More than 1 in 4 food delivery drivers admit to eating your food
A study by US Foods revealed that a shocking twenty-eight percent of food delivery drivers have eaten customers‘ food. What do you think? More NewsSupport the AuthorTake me to the MEMES!SourcePhoto Credit franchise opportunities Continue reading More than 1 in 4 food delivery drivers admit to eating your food
Bull Sperm Milkshake Sales Are Booming in Wisconsin
“Farmers are counting themselves lucky that residents will eat anything.” Continue reading Bull Sperm Milkshake Sales Are Booming in Wisconsin