‘My Christmas Tree Eats Popcorn Garland When Nobody’s Looking’ Still Not Concerning Enough To Put Grandma In $9,000 A Month Nursing Home

After a brief group phone call with closest relatives, the Zelinski family of Oakridge, Illinois decided today that Grandma’s new suspicion that her Christmas tree is slowly eating popcorn garland when nobody’s looking is not concerning enough to justify spending nearly $9,000 a month on a nursing home.

“Don’t get me wrong. It’s crazy. It’s just not $9,000 a month crazy,” Grandma Zelinski’s oldest son James stated. “Get back to me when she’s eating the tree while only wearing popcorn garland as her clothes.”

James’ sister Charlotte agrees.

“She isn’t hurting anyone and she isn’t a danger to herself. So I think we’re good here,” Charlotte stated. “Now once she throws that Christmas tree through the window, jumps out, and starts strangling people with the popcorn garland, then we might have something to discuss.”

As of press time, Grandma’s Christmas tree was slowly eating the popcorn garland while making sure that nobody was watching.

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