Lying Obummers Slays Pardoned Turkeys
Obama backtracks on promise to spare the lives of innocent turkeys named Tater and Tot – ruining a longstanding American tradition. Continue reading Lying Obummers Slays Pardoned Turkeys
Category: America
Michelle Obama Lifts Barack to Place Kenyan Symbol on Christmas Tree
Tallest first lady ever lifts President Obama in famous tradition. Continue reading Michelle Obama Lifts Barack to Place Kenyan Symbol on Christmas Tree
SoCal Children, Babies Already Impacted by THC in Smog
Californians may have unknowingly gotten a lot of small children incredibly high. Continue reading SoCal Children, Babies Already Impacted by THC in Smog
8’6″ Michelle Obama Frequently Rescues Cats From D.C. Trees
A little known fact about our eight-foot-six-inch-tall first lady Michelle Obama is that she uses her phenomenally long and powerful arms to rescue cats and kittens that get stuck in Washington D.C. metropolitan area trees. Hovering at just over 8’6″, … Continue reading 8’6″ Michelle Obama Frequently Rescues Cats From D.C. Trees
Princeton Study: How Trump Defeated Clinton, Why the Polls Were Wrong
The polls showed a likely win for her, but the results did not reflect that; whatsoever. Now we have a fail-safe and proven reason as to why he managed to become the next President of the United States of America. Continue reading Princeton Study: How Trump Defeated Clinton, Why the Polls Were Wrong
5th Hijacked Plane from 9/11 Still Flying
There is, in fact, a 5th hijacked plan from 9/11 that is still flying above our borders, with hostages. Let that sink in, because I know I had to as well. Let’s just pause to think about that.” Continue reading 5th Hijacked Plane from 9/11 Still Flying
BREAKING: Supreme Court Cancels 2016 Election, Unanimously
BREAKING: (D.C.) In an unprecedented judicial move, the United States Supreme Court has just used its power to halt the 2016 Presidential election on the grounds of an obscure, little-known, yet legitimate measure found in The U.S. Constitution. With one … Continue reading BREAKING: Supreme Court Cancels 2016 Election, Unanimously
A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter
“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin. Continue reading A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter
Study: At Least 50% of Americans Need to Restart Their Brains
Leading scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) are saying that a large portion of Americans need to hit the reset button on their brains. The problem has gotten so bad that scientists fear many people can’t actually see … Continue reading Study: At Least 50% of Americans Need to Restart Their Brains
Severe Depression to Impact Holiday Weekend for Many
With a strong, seasonal depression quickly approaching, many Americans are considering staying home for the 4th of July weekend. Indeed, most experts agree that due to the severity of the looming depression – staying home, locking the doors, and hunkering … Continue reading Severe Depression to Impact Holiday Weekend for Many
Tragic Death Ends Trump Campaign
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a … Continue reading Tragic Death Ends Trump Campaign
The Case for Kasich: How He’ll Be The Nominee
With Senator Ted Cruz dropping out, John Kasich is the only hope for the Republican establishment. Here’s how he can still win… Continue reading The Case for Kasich: How He’ll Be The Nominee
Massachusetts Law Bans Homophobic People From Bathrooms
(Boston, MA) In what can only be called shocking, Massachusetts legislators have passed a law that bans homophobic people from using bathrooms. The law, which will take effect on Monday, has some people – for lack of a better term – pissed off. Continue reading Massachusetts Law Bans Homophobic People From Bathrooms
Trump, Cruz Exchange Horrific Insults About Wives, Again
(New York, NY) It appears that the wife-bashing has returned to the Republican campaign for presidency with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz shooting a barrage of horrific insults back and forth. It all started with another tweet from Trump… Continue reading Trump, Cruz Exchange Horrific Insults About Wives, Again
BREAKING: Hillary Clinton Agrees to Debate Bernie Sanders
After weeks of back-and-forth rhetoric, Hillary Clinton has finally agreed to debate Bernie Sanders. The Hillary Clinton/DNC Campaign has generously offered several dates, times, and locations for the two to clash – including some specific rules. Option #1: During the … Continue reading BREAKING: Hillary Clinton Agrees to Debate Bernie Sanders
American Psychologists Release Estimated IQ’s of Presidential Candidates
American psychologists assessed IQ’s of Presidential Candidates #jeopardy Continue reading American Psychologists Release Estimated IQ’s of Presidential Candidates
Papa John’s Delivery Driver Saves Woman’s Life
Everything began when delivery driver Jessica Sturns noticed that something was awry when she saw the additional comment on the delivery instructions which read: Continue reading Papa John’s Delivery Driver Saves Woman’s Life
6 More Ways America Leads The World
“America leads the world in pretty much everything awesome, there’s no need to even research that because everyone knows it. Fact. Period. Soaring eagles. End of story. But, did you know that…” Continue reading 6 More Ways America Leads The World