NASA Says Sun Will Defecate & Urinate While Moon Eclipses Earth For Privacy
The Sun is crossing its magnetic fields and thinking of anything but the flowing Milky Way as it waits in desperation for the Moon to block the Earth this Monday; allowing it to finally get some privacy. Having not voided … Continue reading NASA Says Sun Will Defecate & Urinate While Moon Eclipses Earth For Privacy
Spirit Airlines Adds Fee For Inspecting & Tightening Panels in Your Row
Spirit Airlines, renowned for their inventive fee structures, has introduced an up-charge for the inspection and tightening of aircraft panels. This latest addition to their fees aims to “provide passengers with the ultimate sense of security.” Dubbed the “Panel Assurance … Continue reading Spirit Airlines Adds Fee For Inspecting & Tightening Panels in Your Row
Conservatives Propose Mandatory Silencers To Limit Panic During Mass Shootings
Washington, D.C. — In a surprising turn of events on Capitol Hill, conservatives are pushing to pass gun control legislation with the newly proposed H.U.S.H. act. The bill, which would require all guns sold in the United States to be … Continue reading Conservatives Propose Mandatory Silencers To Limit Panic During Mass Shootings
Goodbye Tony, Hello Tanya: Kellogg’s Reveals First Transgender Cereal Mascot!
Kellogg’s has made a bold move in rebranding one of their beloved cereal mascots, Tony the Tiger, as Tanya. Yes, you heard that right, Tony has undergone a gender transformation, and the breakfast world will never be the same! Gone … Continue reading Goodbye Tony, Hello Tanya: Kellogg’s Reveals First Transgender Cereal Mascot!
Border Wall To Be Completed Using Unlimited Stock of Ladders Discarded Near Existing Wall
(McAllen, TX) In a complete reversal on prior stances, the Biden administration unveiled a plan today to finalize the US-Mexico border wall by utilizing a “strange and seemingly endless supply of discarded ladders” conveniently scattered near the existing barrier. Biden, … Continue reading Border Wall To Be Completed Using Unlimited Stock of Ladders Discarded Near Existing Wall
McConnell’s Doctor Says Knowledge of Senator’s Missing Heart & Brain Ruled Out Stroke, Heart Attack, Immediately
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a shocking medical revelation, Mitch McConnell’s personal doctor, Dr. Felix Mortimer, took to the podium to address the nation about the senator’s “freezing incident,” announcing that he was able to “immediately rule out any possibility of … Continue reading McConnell’s Doctor Says Knowledge of Senator’s Missing Heart & Brain Ruled Out Stroke, Heart Attack, Immediately
Weekly Horoscope From Your Favorite Grandma!!!
Pisces – It seems like someone in your life is always relying on you for Every Single Thing Just leave the baby at the park for a few hours and take some time for yourself. Scorpio – All of your money troubles will … Continue reading Weekly Horoscope From Your Favorite Grandma!!!
Trump’s Pants Catch Fire While Burning Letter From Jack Smith
In a bizarre twist of events, former President Donald J. Trump found himself in a hot spot as his pants caught fire while attempting to burn the letter he received from Jack Smith. What began as a fiery act of … Continue reading Trump’s Pants Catch Fire While Burning Letter From Jack Smith
NEW! Introducting Beastblend Hybrid Animals: Sharkitten, Koalacorn & Slothtopus! 15+ Colors!
Today, I am thrilled to unveil my latest creation: Beastblend, a unique line of merchandise that brings together the beauty of the animal kingdom in the most unexpected and adorable ways. Prepare to be captivated as I introduce you to … Continue reading NEW! Introducting Beastblend Hybrid Animals: Sharkitten, Koalacorn & Slothtopus! 15+ Colors!
Mark Zuckerberg Banned & Fired From Facebook For Post After His Own AI Takes Over Company
The newly-ousted former head of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg told reporters through teary eyes today that he had likely been permanently banned from his own social media platform and company. Zuckerberg, who stole the Facebook platform back in January of 2004, … Continue reading Mark Zuckerberg Banned & Fired From Facebook For Post After His Own AI Takes Over Company
Disney’s ‘It’s a Small World’ Has 48 Dolls Left After Ron DeSantis Airdrops ‘Colored Ones’ Over White House
In an effort to eradicate “woke entertainment,” while testing new laws that would “get rid of race mixing,” Florida Governor Ron DeSantis admitted today that he was behind the effort to airdrop 252 non-white, stolen dolls from Disney World’s iconic … Continue reading Disney’s ‘It’s a Small World’ Has 48 Dolls Left After Ron DeSantis Airdrops ‘Colored Ones’ Over White House
Worthless Coworker Excited For Annual Talk About Being ‘A Bit Tired’ From Daylight Savings & How ‘We Should Really Just Get Rid Of It’
My Shop Is Now Open!
Unaware Of Air Travel Shutdown, Southwest Flight Cancellations ‘Remained At Same Frequency As Usual’
Despite Finding Election They Can Do Over & Over Again, GOP Still Can’t Win
Unwashed Device Used To Masturbate Passed Around By Coworkers To Order Food
NRA Recommends Pocket Knives For Babies This Christmas: ‘Guns Are For Toddlers & Older’
The National Rifle Association says that this Christmas the perfect last minute present for a new baby is a pocket knife. Notably, the announcement is a huge flip-flop after decades of the NRA saying that guns are perfectly safe for … Continue reading NRA Recommends Pocket Knives For Babies This Christmas: ‘Guns Are For Toddlers & Older’