In a groundbreaking moment for both politics and technology, President Donald Trump’s second inauguration — held indoors at the U.S. Capitol Rotunda due to precedented levels of January cold — allegedly broke attendance records with the help of Elon Musk’s revolutionary new space expansion technology. According to Trump, this innovation allowed over 2.6 million patriotic Americans to pack into the Rotunda, previously believed to hold no more than 700 people.
The technology, dubbed Space Erection Xtreme, or SEX, allegedly involves advanced Tesla AI and rebranded leftover parts from the Cybertruck assembly line. Musk claims it “bends reality” to create infinite space inside a confined area. “Think of it as the metaverse, but real, and way cooler,” Musk said on X.
“This is the biggest crowd in history,” Trump said, gesturing to the rows of flickering Americans who appeared to stretch endlessly toward the vaulted ceiling. “They’re saying it’s so big, nobody’s seen anything like it. Elon’s a genius, he’s got those rockets that go up and down, cars that go back and forth for recalls, and now he’s given us this sexy, space-time, quantum-stretch thing we’re all inside of right now. I can guarantee that Biden would never have allowed you all in here to experience SEX with him!”
Despite the fanfare, skeptics have raised concerns about the logistics of the massive turnout.
“It’s physically impossible for a that many people to fit in the Rotunda, even with whatever hyper-reality technology Musk is claiming to have invented,” said Dr. Eleanor Greene, a professor of spatial physics at MIT.
Supporters, however, dismissed such concerns as “deep state math” designed to undermine Trump’s historic moment.
“I was there. The energy was electric. Everyone had infinite room, and there were so many people” said Larry Burman, a self-described Trump supporter and patriot.
When asked how he was able to attend the event while simultaneously streaming live from his couch in Sussex, Wisconsin, Burman stated, “That’s the beauty of Elon’s technology. I could be there and here at the same time, like Jesus. It’s amazing!”
Critics have also noted that much of the photographic evidence appears to show poorly Photoshopped and AI-generated crowds, many of whom were noticeably wearing summer clothing despite the fairly cold weather. Notably, several of the attendees appeared to be duplicate, grainy GIFs of the same busty, stock model wearing a bikini and eating an oversized, messy hot dog.
Still, Musk insists the event was “a monumental success” hinting that, “my next project could be a hidden work camp detainment center big enough to fit all the illegal aliens.”
Meanwhile, Trump declared that this record-breaking turnout is proof he’s the “most popular president and leader in all of recorded and unrecorded human history,” adding, “Nobody inaugurates like I do. Nobody. And weren’t the hot dog sextuplets beautiful!? Nobody eats a hot dog like they do. Makes you hungry, doesn’t it? Very patriotic.”